


Night and Day

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Blowjobs, College, DJ Otabek Altin, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fuckboy Otabek, I'm hurting Yuri again sorry, M/M, Masturbation, No homo though, Otabek's kind of an idiot, Slow Burn, Yuri is super gay, Yuri tutors Otabek, coming to terms with being gay/bisexual, hop on bitches, like I mean A LOT, lots of pining, please be aware that this is not for children, self realizations, this will be a mess, this will have explicit moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-10-14 08:47:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17505389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's only gay if you look each other in the eyes. Or if your balls touch. Or if you high five after.Otabek Altin is the biggest fuckboy Yuri has ever met. Textbook iteration of the word, down to the snapback. Something about him makes Yuri's heart skip a beat, and it isn't the ridiculous amount of times he tries to fit "no homo" into a single conversation.





	1. Chapter 1

 “So what you’re trying to tell me is, Zeus fucked his sister?” Otabek asked, hands on either side of his head. 

“Yes. His parents were also brother and sister.”

“What the fuck?” Otabek stood from his chair, pointing at the textbook laid out on the table. “Greek mythology is fucked.”

“Then there’s Persephone, who was the daughter of Zeus and his sister, Demeter,” Yuri continued, ignoring the fact that Otabek was freaking the fuck out less than two feet from him. “She had a child with her father, Zeus, according to  _ some _ instances of mythology. She eventually became the consort of her uncle, Hades.”

“What the fuck, bro,” Was all Otabek said, slipping back into his chair. He pulled the snapback from his head, placing it on the table.

If he called Yuri  _ bro _ one more time, Yuri was going to rip his face off.

“Did you catch any of that?”

“Someone boned someone’s sister and had a baby. Then it happened at least 13 more times.”

“Do you know of Oedipus?”

“Isn’t that the dude that axed his dad so he could fuck his mom?”

“In layman’s terms, yes,” Yuri said. He swore he had gone over this before, but the amount of information that Otabek retained was equal to the amount of water a strainer could hold at any given time. “Seriously, why are you even in college when you don’t give a shit about it?”

Otabek shrugged, brushing back his hair before pulling his hat back on. “My parents told me to drop my dreams of becoming a DJ.  _ Do something with your life, Otabek _ .”

“I mean, they aren’t wrong. Don’t you spend your weekends DJing at tiny ass clubs that no one ever goes to?”

Otabek pointed a finger at Yuri. “Hey, you shut your mouth. There are at least 20 people there. That’s more than no one.”

“Whatever. You should probably study more before you fail your midterm.”

“If I fail my midterm I’m going to be very upset with you, Yuri Plisetsky. I put all my faith in you and your pretty little face,” Otabek paused, grin playing on his lips. “No homo, though.”

“I can’t tell who you’re trying to convince, me or yourself.”

“About what?” Otabek asked, already shoving the textbook into his backpack.

Yuri just shook his head, waving his hand. “Nothing.”

“Are you coming to see me play tonight?” Otabek questioned, bag slung over his shoulder.

Yuri stared at him. He asked him this nearly every weekend, and Yuri’s answer was always no. For some reason, though, he decided to say yes this time.

“Sick. I’ll see you there. Better come looking hot or I’m going to pretend I don’t know you,” Otabek tossed over his shoulder, leaving Yuri at the table by himself. “No homo, though.”

Yuri just rolled his eyes.

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────

When Yuri stepped into the club, he was blasted with the strong smell of alcohol mingled with sweat. It was raunchy and made his stomach flip.

The only redeeming quality of the place was the music playing. He found himself quite enjoying it as he made his way through the crowd of people. Otabek had been right, there  _ were _ at least 20 people there.

Yuri ordered a shot of vodka, fingers tapping the bar top as he looked around. There was Otabek, perched in his booth.

Yuri admitted to himself on at least a few occasions that Otabek was hot. At least when his mouth was closed.

His incessant use of the words  _ bro  _ and  _ no homo _ made Yuri rethink his entire existence.

Otabek caught his eye, waving like an excited toddler. He gestured for Yuri to come over, but Yuri just flipped him off, turning back to the bar.

He wasn’t drunk enough to deal with Otabek. 

On second thought, he was  _ never _ drunk enough to deal with Otabek.

Yet the boy always found him. Always followed him around asking him questions about his homework as if he cared even just a little bit. Followed him around and told him he was pretty or commented on his hair.

_ No homo though _ .

After Yuri deemed himself just tipsy enough to handle Otabek, he brushed through the crowd of people, making his way towards Otabek’s booth.

He chose to not interrupt, fascinated by how quickly Otabek moved his fingers over the controls. His cap was off for once, hair falling in his face. The sheen of sweat on his face had Yuri feeling some kinda way.

Otabek looked up at him, grinning.

Yuri swore his stomach was going to fall through the floor beneath him.

No fucking homo though.

“Yuri, I’m glad you made it,” Otabek shouted. Yuri tapped his ear, motioning for Otabek to pull off his headphones.

Otabek lifted one of the cups from his ear, grin still stuck on his face.

God, he looked like a dumbass. 

A  _ hot _ dumbass.

But a dumbass nonetheless.

“You’re not half bad,” Yuri admitted, moving just a bit closer. “You look good up here.”

“Thanks, bro,” Otabek shouted back, slapping Yuri on the back. The strength of it nearly toppled him over, hands reaching for the table to steady himself before he hit the floor.

Yuri just gave him a thumbs up before he backed out of the booth, leaving Otabek to do whatever it was that DJs did to make the magic happen.

Yuri stopped by the bar again, ordering another shot of vodka. Then another. Then another. When the music sounded distant and the room blurred a bit, he wandered off onto the dance floor.

There were enough people for it to be a hot, tangled mess of bodies, and Yuri found himself in the midst of it.

He glanced up at the booth every so often, catching a very wild-haired Otabek staring him down. 

He just waved every time. A few wiggles of his fingers before he looked away.

Yuri danced the night away, enjoying the feeling of being  _ just drunk enough _ to not feel self-conscious. When another man asked him to dance, Yuri grinned, whipping his hair over his shoulder before agreeing.

He swore he felt a pair of eyes on him, but he chose to ignore it.

“You were dancing with another guy,” Otabek said, pressed impossibly close to him after he had finished his set.

Yuri turned his head, staring at him incredulously. “Hi I’m Yuri Plisetsky and I’m gay, nice to meet you.”

“Have you ever thought about kissing another guy?”

“Holy shit, Otabek, I know you’re not the brightest crayon in the box but..”

“Sometimes I think about kissing another guy,” Otabek said. Then he looked a bit startled, almost as if he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He shook his head before finishing off another shot of Jagermeister.

Yuri’s lip curled at the smell. He never understood how anyone could enjoy it.

“I swear if you say no homo I’m going to rip your balls off.”

“No, me thinking about kissing another guy is pretty homo. How do you know if you're gay?” Otabek continued, waving the bartender over to order them both another shot.

“I am not having this conversation with you.”

“One time, when I was about 16, I watched some porn with one of my best friends. We masturbated together. Is that normal?” Otabek asked, eyeing Yuri as he spun his empty shotglass around with his index finger.

“Do you think I’m the expert on accidental gay encounters or something?”

“It’s only gay if your balls touch. Our balls definitely didn’t touch.”

“You’re an actual idiot, why do I even hang out with you?” Yuri tipped his glass back, feeling the warmth of it swirl in his stomach. 

On a normal day, he would have been fed up with Otabek’s ranting by now. For some reason, the alcohol upped his tolerance to an inhumane level.

Otabek just grinned at him.

Yuri flushed and turned away.

“Are you going to tutor me again tomorrow? In the morning this time, though, I have somewhere to be later on.”

“Depends, are you going to remember anything I’ve been teaching you for the past week?” Yuri asked, finally turning to face him again.

Otabek held out his fingers. “Zeus and Hera were brother and sister. They banged and had a bunch of babies or something. Then Zeus fucked his other sister, Demeter and had Persephone. Persephone boned her uncle.”

“Yeah, I don’t think those are going to be worded anywhere close to that on your test, but sure.”

“Oh, and Oedipus offed his dad so he could bone his mom in peace. Then she killed herself when everyone found out.”

“Can you stop saying  _ bone _ it sounds disgusting.”

“It helps me remember better,” Otabek countered.

“You’re literally only remembering all the instances of incest.”

“That’s the most interesting part.”

“You’re a pervert.”

Otabek flashed Yuri his stupid lopsided grin. The one that definitely didn’t make Yuri’s heart beat faster. That would be ridiculous.

“So is that a yes or a no to the tutoring thing?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. You better actually show up this time.”

Yuri could practically smell her before she appeared, dropping herself into Otabek’s lap. He looked away when they kissed, Yuri pushing away the twinge of jealousy.

He knew Otabek didn’t have a girlfriend.  _ I don’t like being tied down _ , he always said. Yet Yuri was certain that half of their zip code had seen Otabek’s dick at least once.

“Anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow, bro,” Otabek ruffled Yuri’s hair before he was dragged off into the throng of people. The wink he shot Yuri over his shoulder made his skin crawl.

Fuck Otabek Altin and his stupid fucking hat and his stupid fucking smile and his stupid fucking hair.

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────

“If you say one more thing about the Trojan War, my brain is going to spill out of my ears,” Otabek said, head rested against the table. He had shown up in the same clothes he had on the night before. He was obviously hungover and Yuri had shoved a bottle of water into his hand and commanded that he drink it.

“Maybe you should have spent less time drinking and more time studying.”

“I wasn’t  _ drinking _ all night,” Otabek said, turning his head just slightly to look at Yuri. Yuri raised his eyebrows. “I was-”

“I don’t really want to hear about you getting your dick wet to be real with you.”

“You’re no fun.”

“You’re a slob.”

Otabek feigned offense, pointing a finger at Yuri. “For someone with such nice looking lips, a lot of mean shit really comes from them.”

“I have never said anything that wasn’t true.”

“That doesn’t make it any nicer, you asshole,” Otabek dropped his hand and lifted his head from the table. Yuri eyed the mark on his neck before looking away.

“Yeah, well, you ask me to tutor you and I bend over backward to help you. Yet you make no attempt to actually pay any attention.”

“I pay attention. Most of the time.”

“You only pay attention if I mention sex.”

“That’s not true. Achilles’ weakness was his heel. I remember that.” Otabek retorted, tapping the side of his head as if he had just uttered the smartest words a man could utter.

Yuri rolled his eyes again, snapping his book closed.

“Who shot him in the heel?”

Otabek squeezed his eyes closed, lips pursing. “Paris.”

“Why?”

“Because he was the bad guy, obviously. That’s like asking why the Joker wanted to kill Batman.”

“Oh my God, you literally don’t listen to  _ anything _ I say to you.”

“One time you said I had a nice butt.”

“I fucking did not.”

“No, but you just blushed so I know you’re thinking it,” Otabek grinned, slipping out of the chair. Yuri watched him slide his sunglasses off the top of his head, dropping them onto his nose in one swift movement.

“I can’t stand you.”

“Yeah, sure, buddy,” Otabek replied, stretching his arms over his head.

Yuri definitely  _ did not _ look at the skin that peeked out from between Otabek’s shorts and his shirt. Did not look at the patch of hair trailing down from his belly button. That would be absolutely ludicrous.

“Have fun at your party. Don’t get too drunk,” Yuri paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Also you should really tell these girls that we’re not in high school anymore and those hickies they leave you are very unbecoming.”

“Oh, fuck you, Yuri.”

“You wish.”

“Yeah, no homo though,” Otabek laughed before turning to leave.

Yuri resisted the urge to punch him in his throat.


	2. Chapter 2

Yuri always had a lot of friends when he was growing up. Mila was always first and foremost though, a year older than him, but the one person he relied on more than anyone else.

Until he got his first  _ real _ boyfriend. His name was Josh, and Yuri thought they would spend the rest of their lives together. Or something. 

Then Josh up and left to another state for college, and Yuri was left alone again. That was the main reason he chose to go to the same college Mila was already at. He’d missed his best friend something fierce, even when she was a massive pain in his ass.

Even when she forced him to be social and leave his dorm room because there was  _ life outside of studying, Yuri _ .

“Okay, but you could get laid. You  _ need _ to get laid. You haven’t gotten laid since what’s his name left to go to Michigan or whatever.”

“His name was Josh, and it’s weird that you can’t remember his name considering we dated for  _ three years _ , Mila,” Yuri replied, annoyed already with her prodding.

“Really? I didn’t even know you were gay or that you were dating  _ Josh _ until I found you guys dry humping in the gym storage room after school that one time.”

“You have zero observational skills so that really isn’t surprising.”

“I thought you were just having an experimental thing with a classmate, honestly.”

Yuri rolled his eyes, shoving his notebook across the desk. “Yeah, you’ve told me this story at least once a month since it happened.”

“What? The one where I found you with his dick in your mouth at your own graduation party? Your mother was all  _ go find Yuratchka so he can open his gifts _ and you were all-” Mila stopped to make obnoxiously loud gurgling noises. Yuri smacked his head against the desk.

“I don’t need to get laid. I’m perfectly fine, thank you.”

“I don’t think you are. Josh boned you, you lost your virginity, then he left. That was like a year ago. Get out there and get your dick in-”

“Mila, I love you to the moon and back, but my sex life is one topic that I really do not want to discuss with you.”

“It’s because you’re embarrassed that I know what your dick sucking face looks like, that’s fine. You don’t have to be ashamed of it, Yuri,” Mila countered. He heard her shout something on the other end of the line. Something about a beer keg and where to put it.

He still thought it was weird that Mila joined a sorority. She was all teeth and claws, but ever since she joined, she had softened in a way that made Yuri question if he even knew her anymore. Until she wasn’t around her sisters and she started giving him shit again. That was the Mila he had known for most of his life.

“You’re a pain in my ass. I don’t want to go to the party because I’m pretty certain Otabek is going to be there and I’m  _ really _ not in the mood for his bro talk.”

“You act like he’s going to be able to find you. Do you know how many people are going to be here?”

“He will find me. He always finds me. It’s uncanny. It’s like he knows what I smell like and he can sniff me out in a crowd. It’s actually really fucking creepy now that I think about it.”

“Come anyway. You need to get laid. You can probably get laid. There’s a  _ lot _ of gay fraternity brothers. Some of them are even cute.”

“I don’t need to get laid,” Yuri growled.

He knew he was going to the party, though. Mila always got what she wanted, one way or another. If he didn’t head over there on his volition, she was going to march to his dorm and drag him out by the scruff of his neck. 

Yuri really hated parties.

Especially Greek parties with fraternities and sororities and their stupid togas and beer kegs.

It was all very stereotypical.

Yet he went anyways.

“Your jeans are  _ really  _ tight. You look hot,” Otabek yelled, over the music thrumming through Yuri’s veins. Yuri froze. Of course, Otabek would find him before even Mila could.

Creepy, as he always thought.

He waited for Otabek’s punchline after hitting on him, but for once, it didn’t come.

Mila swung by at the right moment before Yuri could make a comment about Otabek’s stupid toga and his stupid red solo cup.

“Are you hitting on my Yuri?” She asked, glaring up at Otabek. The fire in her eyes made Yuri snort.

Yuri rolled his eyes when Otabek looked her up and down, eyebrows raised. Otabek had no idea what he was getting himself into.

“Why would I do that?” Otabek asked, tipping back his cup before crushing it between his fingers.

“I  _ know _ you did not just look at me like that,” Mila started. Otabek just grinned at her. Yuri could almost feel her claws pop out.

“Just appreciating a beautiful woman when I see one,” Otabek stated.

Yuri wanted to laugh. He also wanted to cry. Part of him thought Otabek was the world’s biggest asshat, but the  _ other _ part of him was insanely jealous. He wished Otabek would look at him like that.

_ Why  _ did he wish Otabek would look at him like that?

“If you look at me like that again, I’ll twist your balls until they fall off from lack of circulation,” Mila said, jabbing her finger into Otabek’s chest.

Otabek just laughed and held his hands up, Mila glaring at him once more before turning to leave.

“I have to go find Sara before she drinks too much. That girl is going to need a new liver before she turns 25,” Mila said, inches from Yuri’s ear.

Yuri didn’t know much about Sara, but he did know that Mila never shut up about her. So he just shrugged his shoulders as she left, leaving him alone with Otabek.

Otabek and another person who looked like Otabek, but with blue eyes. Yuri stared at him, head tilted to the side.

“Yuri, this is JJ. He’s my best friend. The one I told you about the other night,” Otabek yelled, waving his hands around. JJ just grinned at him before elbowing Otabek in the side.

“Are you seriously still telling people about the masturbation thing?” Then, to Yuri, “I had my eyes closed when I jerked him off, it doesn’t count.”

Yuri’s eyes went wide.

“I didn’t tell him  _ that  _ part, JJ, fucking Christ.”

“Oh. My bad. Well, it’s only gay if the balls touch. Our balls didn’t touch,” JJ yelled, pretty matter-of-factly. Yuri thought he was having a dream.

Or a nightmare.

He pinched himself.

“I don’t think that’s exactly how that works,” Yuri replied.

“It’s only gay if you like it,” JJ yelled back with a wink. Then he was gone, nearly as quickly as he had appeared.

Yuri wasn’t sure how to handle the concept that there was not only one Otabek, but two.

And they were both equally obnoxious. They both said stupid shit like  _ it’s only gay if you make eye contact.  _ Not to mention they were both ridiculously attractive and Yuri was starting to wonder if he had made an appearance in a young adult novel.

“Did your friend just admit to me that he touched your dick with his eyes closed?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t gay though. I only finished because I closed my eyes and pretended it was a woman.”

Yuri began to call him a moron but decided against it. Nothing was ever going to get through Otabek’s head. At any point. Ever.

Yuri wanted to go home. He’d made his appearance, and he was over it already.

Mila was probably too busy trying to suck Sara’s face to even notice him missing anyways.

“I’m going to go home,” Yuri stated. Just loud enough for Otabek to hear him over the music. Otabek pouted.

“You haven’t even had a drink,” Otabek shouted back, shoving a cup into Yuri’s hand.

How the fuck he had conjured a cup from nowhere beat Yuri. He drank it though, swallowed down the cheap beer before handing the cup back to Otabek. Otabek looked relatively impressed.

“There, now I’ve had a drink and I can go home.”

“Not yet.”

Otabek pulled him through the crowd. Yuri was overly aware of the way his hand felt wrapped around his arm, warm and- nope, Yuri wasn’t going to go there. Not even in his mind.

Otabek force fed him cups of beer until Yuri was leaning against him for support. The music pulsed through him like little arcs of lightning, just enough to make him feel giddy. 

He  _ really _ wanted to dance.

The thing he did when he drank just enough to push away his insecurities.

“Dance with me,” Yuri said, tugging on Otabek’s arm. Otabek laughed, leaning in until Yuri could feel his breath in his ear.

“There are too many people here for that.”

Yuri rolled his eyes, grabbing Otabek’s hand before dragging him off towards the stairs. He’d been to one of these parties before, and everyone knew that upstairs was off limits. Unless you were a member of the sorority or a member of said sorority let you up there.

Yuri would use Mila as his scapegoat later if he had to.

It was quieter upstairs, but the music still vibrated through the floor beneath their feet. Yuri stopped to lean against the wall for a moment, Otabek stopping next to him.

“Isn’t this where people go to make out in secret?”

“I’m not going to make out with you, you fucking idiot," Yuri replied.

Not that Yuri wouldn’t if Otabek offered. Because he would.

Yuri glanced down the hall, noticing some of the rooms were closed. A couple was further down the hallway, leaned against the wall with their tongues down each other's throats.

Even if neither of them would admit it, they were both drunk. Drunk enough that Yuri didn’t feel awkward about swaying to the music in Otabek’s arms. Or about the way Otabek’s face was so close to his own. Or about the way that he realized Otabek had  _ really _ nice lips.

Yuri started laughing then, when Otabek pushed him into the wall, breath ghosting over his mouth. It all felt very comical at that moment, having Otabek stare him down as if he were going to do anything but drunkenly dance with him in a hallway at a sorority house that his best friend was pledged to.

“What’s so funny?” Otabek asked, untangling himself from Yuri.

He looked very self aware, looking away from Yuri as if he realized just how close they had been just a second before.

“Nothing. Everything. You.”

“I’m drunk. I wasn’t  _ really _ going to kiss you,” Otabek paused, hand rubbing over the stubble on his chin. Yuri watched him thoughtfully, head tilted back against the wall.

Otabek was substantially taller than him, and Yuri never really noticed it before. Most of the time they were sitting down in the library or chatting over Skype, Yuri trying to relay information to him that he would forget minutes later.

If Yuri hadn’t started laughing, he was certain Otabek was going to kiss him. Like, really  _ kiss _ him. The way he was staring at Yuri made his heart stammer in his chest. 

Yuri wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

He knew if Otabek  _ had _ kissed him he would have immediately said  _ no homo _ and then acted as if nothing had ever happened. Yuri still wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t interested in men, or if he was trying to convince Yuri.

Yuri, at least, was definitely not convinced.

“I’m going to go home,” Yuri said. He pushed himself off the wall, starting towards the stairs.

“I’ll walk you.”

“I’m not that drunk, I’ll be fine.”

“I’m walking you. If you want to stop me you better hope you’re a lot stronger than you look.”

Yuri rolled his eyes at that. Drunk Otabek was still very  _ Otabek _ . In a way that made every fiber of his being want to punch him in the face. After kissing him. Or before. He wasn’t really sure about the semantics.

“Fine,” Was all Yuri said, not sparing another glance before heading down the stairs.

It was hot outside, Yuri patting around for his cigarettes that were buried somewhere in his pockets.

He pulled one out and lit it, the sound of wilting tobacco and paper loud in the sudden silence when they were far enough away from the house. 

Otabek was a few steps behind him. Silent. 

It was strange.

“Remember when I asked you if you ever thought about kissing a guy?” Otabek asked then, breaking the silence that had settled between them.

Yuri blew the smoke out of his nose, staring up at the sky before answering. “Yes.”

“I was being serious. I really do think about it sometimes.”

Yuri ignored him, ashing his cigarette.

“Does that mean I’m gay?” Otabek continued, when it was apparent that Yuri wasn’t going to say anything.

“You act like being gay is the worst thing that could happen to a person. Also, you are aware that you can enjoy men  _ and  _ women, right?” Yuri asked. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was headed. Otabek’s words were slurred and Yuri was already tired of his presence.

“Well, I want you to know that if I were gay, I’d fuck you.”

Yuri coughed, smoke billowing from his mouth and his nose and  _ god it burned _ . He was certain that Otabek was aware of how insensitive he sounded. There was no way that one person could say things as he did and not know.

“Thanks, I think,” Yuri said, once the smoke had cleared from his lungs. His face burned.

They didn’t say anything else, but Otabek finally caught up with him, walking beside him as opposed to behind him. He didn’t say anything about Yuri’s smoking, though Yuri noticed that he faced the other way.

When they reached Yuri’s building, Yuri stopped in front of the door before turning.

Yuri  _ really _ noticed how nice Otabek looked. Even in his stupid toga. The way his skin glowed in the soft light from the building, the way his hair fell over his forehead. That stupid fucking smile.

“Thanks for walking me home,” Yuri said, putting two fingers to his head in a salute.

Otabek grinned at him.

Yuri tried not to remember the way his fingers felt digging into his hips. Or the way his breath felt against his lips. Or the way he looked at Yuri through his eyelashes as if Yuri were the only other person in the world.

“See you later, bro,” Otabek said, mimicking Yuri’s salute.

Yep, Yuri was already forgetting about it. Forgotten. Over it. A thing of the past.

No fucking homo.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuri stared at the ceiling above his head, counting the speckles and lines, trying to make pictures out of nothing. It was more of a way for him to think of something else -  _ anything _ else. Anything that wasn’t Otabek Altin.

Otabek had become a constant in his life. Someone who relied on Yuri more than Yuri had ever had anyone rely on him before. It started simply because Otabek found him in the library, various Philosophy books scattered on the table around him.

Otabek hated Philosophy, he had told Yuri.

He’d failed it once already, he’d mentioned.

Yuri offered to tutor him since Otabek said he had to take it the following semester. Otabek had beamed at him and agreed.

Ever since that stupid smile, Yuri could think of nearly nothing else.

That’s why, at that moment, Yuri stared at the ceiling. 

Because Otabek fucking Altin had invited him over. He wanted Yuri to help him study. On a Sunday. Otabek  _ never _ studied on Sunday. Yuri knew that. Otabek knew that.

Yet Yuri still wanted to go. Even though he knew it would only spell trouble.

First, Yuri was making shapes out of the ceiling. Ignoring the buzzing from his phone. Until he couldn’t ignore it anymore. Until Otabek told him to get over there before he  _ dragged  _ Yuri over there.

Yuri definitely didn’t walk as slowly as possible. He didn’t smoke three cigarettes all the way down to the filter, until every drag burned his fingers and his lips.

“Yuri, why did it take you nearly an hour to get here?” Otabek asked, leaning against the doorframe. Yuri’s eyes drifted down his bare chest, catching the hair that trailed down into his pants. The pants that were slung so low on his hips that Yuri thought they would fall off.

He kind of wished they would to be completely honest.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Yuri replied, rubbing his face with his hand. “I walked as fast as I could because I knew you were just  _ dying  _ to study.”

Otabek pulled him inside, kicking the door shut behind them. Yuri paused in the entryway to look around, having never been inside a fraternity house before. He wasn’t sure what he had expected. Maybe kegs of beer and pictures of naked women?

No, it was just a normal house. Clean. Didn’t look anything like Yuri had pictured.

“Do you smoke, Yuri?” Otabek asked, stopping short on the staircase to face him. Then, “Not cigarettes. I meant pot.”

“Uh,” Yuri started, scratching his head. “I haven’t since I was in high school.”

“Even since it became legal?”

“No. I never really saw a need for it.”

Otabek just grinned before flipping back around. Yuri tagged along behind him feeling very much like a little kid following his little brother to his room for some hidden snacks.

Those hidden snacks were a bag of weed and JJ.

“You didn’t tell me your jack off buddy was going to be here,” Yuri mumbled, standing in the doorway. 

“Hey, I told you, it’s only gay if you like it,” Quipped JJ, pointing at Yuri with a lighter held between his fingers.

Yuri just rolled his eyes, sitting down on the ground next to him. Their knees almost bumped together, but Yuri pulled his legs in towards himself. He wasn't sure how comfortable he felt around JJ, as he had only met him once. For a solid three seconds before he had disappeared. Though something told him he was likely a decent person, considering that Otabek was willing to be his friend for so long.

“I didn’t like it, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Otabek joined in. “At least not the first time. Maybe the second time. I said no homo though so that made it fine.”

At this point, Yuri wasn’t even sure if the two of them were even remotely telling the truth. It was hard to tell if they were making jokes or being honest and trying to mask it with humor.

“The third time was in the shower. I tried to give Otabek the reach around but then I realized that was kinda gay.”

“Wow. Who would have known that touching another man’s dick multiple times and enjoying it made you a little bit gay,” Yuri mused, watching as JJ neatly packed a bowl.

“I told you that you were gay, bro,” Otabek laughed.

“You’re the one that liked it.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t touch your dick, it was the other way around.”

“Can we stop talking about Otabek’s dick?” Yuri asked.

“Okay, but one last thing,” JJ said, holding the pipe up to his face. “Otabek’s dick is pierced but don’t tell him I told you.”

Yuri nearly choked on his tongue.

“Bro, I’m sitting two inches from you.”

“Seriously, can we  _ not _ talk about Otabek’s dick?” Yuri pressed, snatching the pipe from JJ when it was passed in his direction. 

He wasn’t really sure why he agreed to stay. Or agreed to smoke pot with two of the biggest dumbasses he knew. 

Underneath Yuri’s annoyance, though, he did find them rather amusing.

Yuri tried really hard to hold the smoke in his lungs for longer than a second.  _ Tried  _ being the keyword. He began to sputter, trying to hold back the urge to cough. Then he was coughing, smoke pouring from his nose and his mouth as his eyes began to water.

“That was a massive hit for someone who hasn’t smoked since high school,” JJ teased, pushing some water towards him. Yuri took the water bottle from him, even though he knew it would do nothing to soothe the burning in his lungs.

Yuri stayed quiet, feeling the high hit him as the burn began to fade. His eyes trained on Otabek, watching the way his lips moved as he spoke. 

He  _ really _ had nice lips.

“One time, in high school, Otabek told me he hadn’t had his first kiss yet,” JJ started, flipping the lighter around between his fingers. Yuri watched him curiously. “So I gave him his first kiss.”

“He stuck his tongue in my mouth. He tasted like fucking Cheetos.”

“Listen,” JJ said, eyes turning to Yuri, “This boy couldn’t kiss to save his life. He was drooling everywhere. I thought he was going to eat my face.”

“It was my first kiss, asshole.”

“Are we talking about accidental gay encounters again?” Yuri questioned, too high to actually be annoyed by it. On the contrary, it was amusing listening to their banter.

“I accidentally fingered myself once, but no homo,” JJ said.

Then Otabek shot back with, “I accidentally made out with another guy. It wasn’t you.”

“I sucked a man’s dick once,” JJ replied.

“I accidentally had sex with a man once,” Yuri chipped in. The silence was wonderful, the two of them turning to stare at him. “What? I thought we were comparing our gay levels.”

“Wait, you’re  _ actually _ gay?” Otabek feigned surprise, eyes wide.

“I don’t think he’s been staring at your happy trail for the past five minutes because he’s straight, bro.”

Yuri felt the blush creep over his face.

He was relieved when Otabek drew the attention away from him, cracking a joke about how JJ was staring at Yuri long enough to notice that he was even staring in the first place.

“I can’t help it, he’s  _ pretty _ .”

Yuri was used to being called pretty. Otabek did it on nearly a daily basis. Mila did it all the time. His ex-boyfriend’s favorite thing was to tell him he looked really pretty with his ass in the air.

When he tuned back into the conversation, Otabek was telling JJ to close his eyes.

“What do you see, bro?” Otabek asked.

“Nothing, bro.”

“That’s my life without you, bro.”

“Bro.”

Yuri began to laugh. The kind of laugh that shook you from the inside. The kind that made you wheeze and cough, tears trailing down your cheeks.

He wasn’t sure whether he was laughing so hard because he was stoned, or if he was laughing so hard because of how serious the two of them sounded. Or a combination of the two. It was probably a combination of the two.

“Aw, shit, Isabella wants me to come over,” JJ mumbled, breaking the silence that had fallen once the three of them had stopped laughing.

“Again?”

“A bro’s gotta get laid.”

Yuri didn’t even look up as JJ left, too heavy to move from his spot on the floor where he had chosen to lay flat on his back. 

It was quiet. He couldn’t even hear Otabek’s breathing. He heard the chirp of cicadas and the rush of cars from outside, but between them, it was silent.

He smiled a bit, enjoying the fact that the two of them had reached a point in their friendship where silence didn’t feel awkward. It felt warm and nice, wrapping around him like a blanket. He almost drifted off to sleep when Otabek spoke up.

“Were you really staring at my happy trail?”

“Yeah,” Yuri said, then, “It’s a nice happy trail.”

“No homo?”

“Full homo intended.”

Otabek shuffled, moving closer to Yuri. Yuri turned his face to look at him.

“Were any of the things the two of you said true?” He asked, curiously, Otabek staring back at him with an intensity that made his chest burn.

Otabek just grinned at him. “One day I’ll tell you, but that day is not today. I can tell you that he never sucked anyone’s dick though. He’s full of shit.”

Yuri just eyed him for a moment. He almost thought that Otabek was going to break down and have an existential crisis while explaining about his difficulty coming to terms with the fact that he also liked men.

That wasn’t going to happen.

“Did you think I was joking when I told you I was gay?”

“I don't know. You stick around me and I say stupid shit like no homo all the time so I wasn't really sure. I don't have a good eye for that,” Otabek stated, sitting up. Yuri was content just watching as Otabek cleaned his pipe with care, making sure every inch of it was rubbed clean with his cloth before he put it away in its case.

“You don’t have a problem with me being gay? Or me staring at your happy trail? Or your lips?”

“It’s flattering. I just don’t want you to think I’m stringing you along, Yuri. That's not really my intention, as cute as you are."

Yuri laughed at that. It wasn’t  _ really _ a laugh, though. He felt a pang in his chest when Otabek said that with the tone of voice Yuri knew he only used when he was being serious. 

“Right. Yeah. No homo and all that,” Yuri mumbled, before pulling himself up. He was ready to go home, but he wasn’t sure if his body would take him there. He was tired, so fucking tired.

“He did touch my dick on multiple occasions, too.”

“I thought you were only telling me that one thing, like it was some big secret.”

“Okay, I told you two things. I won’t tell you whether I liked it or not.”

Yuri laughed. “Is your dick really pierced?”

“Yeah, you wanna see?”

Yuri’s eyes widened. He was curious, but he wasn’t really-

Nevermind, Otabek was already up and pulling his pants down.

“Holy shit,” Yuri breathed.

“It hurt. A lot. Now I kind of forget it’s there half the time.” Otabek shrugged, elastic snapping against his skin when he pulled his pants back up.

Yuri was more stuck on the fact that Otabek wasn’t wearing any underwear and he had just  _ casually _ pulled out his dick.

“I really hope you realize that you just showed a gay man your very photogenic, pierced dick.”

“Glad to fuel your masturbation fantasies,” Otabek grinned, giving Yuri that smile that made his stomach wind up in places it shouldn’t. Figuratively, of course. “No homo, though.”

“You can’t just use that as your escape route every time you do anything even remotely gay,” Yuri stated, standing to stretch his legs. He  _ really _ needed to go home. And go to sleep. Or masturbate. Whichever of the two was more likely to happen.

Probably the sleeping bit.

“Can you help me with my math tomorrow?” Otabek asked, just when Yuri was halfway through the door.

“I’m shit at math,” Was all he said before he shut the door behind him.

He wasn’t thinking about Otabek’s dick. He wasn’t thinking about Otabek’s dick.

He was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter came from this ngl
> 
> punktsuki:  
> Otabek: close your eyes bro  
> JJ: okay bro  
> Otabek: what do u see bro  
> JJ: I see nothing bro  
> Otabek: that’s my life without you bro  
> JJ: bro  
> Yuri: the fuck?


	4. Chapter 4

Yuri felt like he was seeing Otabek _everywhere_ for the rest of the week. Every corner he turned, there he was. With the dark stubble that lined his jaw, the stupid hat that perched on his head. He always saw Yuri, too, flashing him that toothy grin that made Yuri’s insides turn to jelly. It was impossible to get away from him. It was impossible to push down the feelings that Otabek made him feel every time he looked in his direction.

Yuri had been in love before. It was a soft and delicate thing, no flaming passion and bright fires that lit him from the inside. It just was. He’d loved that boy with all his heart. He poured his soul into their relationship, his heart, his _feelings_.

Then the boy had left.

“I’m going to Chicago,” Josh had said, fingers tracing circles on Yuri’s hipbone.

Yuri felt cold then, even as he laid there curled into Josh’s body, naked and _loved_ just as he always had been. “Oh,” He had whispered. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Tried to fight back the burn in his eyes.

“I’ll come back for you,” He’d said. It felt like every piece of Yuri was being torn away. Every fragile layer of trust that had formed between them broke then. He remembered the promise they had made, years prior.

_We’ll go to the same school. We’ll stay together, I promise._

He didn’t cry. Not until long after Josh had left. He curled into himself and let go, the tears spilling down his cheeks until he felt empty and dry. Hollow and alone and _cold_.

That’s why it scared him.

That Otabek was a match that threatened to light the charred remains of his heart. That something within him threatened to take flight every time Otabek smiled at him.

 _I don’t want to lead you on, Yuri_.

It was silly because Yuri was already too far gone. He couldn’t look back any more. He couldn’t remember what he had been before Otabek stepped in. He forgot how he functioned without the warmth of Otabek surrounding him.

He knew it had been less loud. Less irritating. A lot less _no homo_ and _bro_.

He also knew it had been a lot less bright. A lot less saturated. A lot less hot.

“Yuri,” Otabek whispered, jarring him out of his thoughts. “Are you even watching the movie or are you daydreaming?”

Yuri blinked his eyes, once, twice. He didn’t remember zoning out. “I’m watching, I’m watching.”

Otabek had forced his way into Yuri’s room. Forced his way in with a movie in his hands while yelling something about a sleepover. Yuri knew he didn’t have much of a choice, not that he really had any qualms about the fact that Otabek was sitting in his bed in his sweatpants eating popcorn.

He wanted to look back at the screen, but all he saw was Otabek. It was dark, and the light from the TV lit up Otabek’s face.

Yuri hadn’t been paying attention to the movie at all. Not even when it was first turned on. Not even when Otabek was explaining excitedly how _great_ it was and how much he really wanted Yuri to see it. Yuri was too busy focusing on Otabek’s mouth and the way it moved when he spoke.

He wanted to give up, he really did. He tried really hard to pretend his feelings were nothing more than puppy love. That he was just trying to forget Josh because Josh had popped up on Instagram again after months of silence with his new girlfriend. Something inside Yuri was broken and he was trying so hard to piece it back together.

That was the thing, though. Something could break, and you could put it back together, but it would never be the same as it had been. Yuri knew that.

Yuri had spent half the night staring at the picture Josh had uploaded. It burned and it stung and it gnawed at him until he finally closed his laptop and went to sleep.

Maybe Otabek was just something to fill the gap in his heart.

The fire was growing, though, and Yuri was beginning to understand that it wasn’t going to go away.

He hadn’t realized that Otabek was facing him until his eyes focused again. He lost track of what he was thinking about, whether it was how Otabek’s lips looked soft, or the way Josh was still managing to ruin him from over a thousand miles away.

“You didn’t watch any of that, did you?” Otabek asked.

Yuri just kind of smiled. Shrugged. Looked away. “Not really, sorry.”

Otabek moved closer, enough so that Yuri could smell the popcorn on his breath.

“Are you alright?”

He was stricken by the sincerity of it. As if Otabek were incapable of being anything but a muscled idiot who said stupid shit and smoked pot while barely scraping by in his classes. As if Otabek didn’t have a heart of gold because _of course he did_.

“M’fine.”

Otabek’s fingers on his chin made him freeze. He turned to face him, then, lashes fluttering as he looked up. He met Otabek’s eyes, deep and earthy, swimming with concern and warmth and Yuri was crying.

He was crying and trying so hard not to show it, but the tears streaming down his face were fat and heavy and _hot_.

Then Otabek was pulling him in. He was holding him and combing his fingers through Yuri’s hair as Yuri just cried. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t whisper sweet things into his ear, nor did he ask him what was wrong.

Yuri cried until his nose ran and he had the hiccups.

“It was a good movie, but it wasn’t _that_ good,” Otabek said then, breaking the silence.

Yuri let out a laugh. It sounded raspy and wet, a choke that forced its way from his lungs. He didn’t want to lift his head from Otabek’s chest. Mostly because he knew his shirt was soaked with Yuri’s tears. That and the fact that his nose was running.

“I know I’m usually an idiot, but I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to-”

“I’m fine,” Yuri replied, finally moving to sit up again. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, turning away so Otabek couldn’t see his face.

“You’re not fine. You just stared at me for a solid hour and a half then started crying.”

“Last night my ex boyfriend updated his Instagram for the first time since he left.”

Yuri could feel Otabek’s eyes watching him. Gazing at him. Staring at him. He shifted a little, rubbing his eyes.

“He has a girlfriend now. He told me he’d come back for me and I’m still here and he’s not and he-”

Otabek’s hand on the side of his face startled him enough to force him to turn back. Otabek’s thumb swiped at Yuri’s tears and Yuri felt as if he were going to melt into a puddle on his bed. His touch was tender and warm, a shocking contrast to Otabek’s usual personality.

Something that Yuri didn’t even know he was capable of.

“I can kick his ass if you want me to,” Otabek said. Yuri just peered at him through wet lashes before he began to laugh. Of all the things Otabek could have said to better the situation, the one thing he chose to say was the most Otabek thing Yuri had ever heard come from his lips.

“No. No, I think I’ll be okay.”

He would be. Eventually. It had been over a year since he had last seen Josh. He hadn’t gotten any texts. He hadn’t gotten any Skype calls or phone calls or even a postcard saying _thinking of you!_ He had gotten nothing but radio silence for a year. A year of growing and laughter that Josh hadn’t been a part of.

It was time to move on because it was obvious that even if he chose to stick his feet in the mud and stay, the world was going to continue without him.

Otabek’s hand dropped from his face. Yuri saw the pink dusted over his cheeks. He didn’t mention it though. Didn’t mention the way Otabek rubbed his fingers together, as if they were remembering the way Yuri’s skin had felt beneath them.

“I want to get drunk,” Yuri said.

Otabek patted his arm, awkwardly, before leaning over the bed to grab his bag. Who else but Otabek would carry an entire bottle of Jagermeister around?

“I know you make fun of me for drinking it, but it’s all I have.”

“Okay,” Yuri replied. Then he snatched the bottle from Otabek’s hand. He opened it and tipped it back, ignoring the burn as it slid down his throat.

The aftertaste was the worst part of it. Yuri had learned a long time ago that sometimes things tasted a lot less awful if you just _didn’t_ stop.

“Yuri, Jesus Christ,” Otabek exclaimed, tugging at the bottle until Yuri gave it up.

Yuri burped, cringing at the taste that began to form in his mouth. Like black licorice soaked in rubbing alcohol, he always said. There was a reason he stuck to vodka. Vodka didn’t leave disgusting aftertastes. It was honest and true, the burn of alcohol until you tasted nothing at all.

“Thanks,” He mumbled, wiping his mouth with his fingers. He still didn’t understand how anyone happily drank that shit.

Otabek shook the bottle around, gauging how much Yuri had just downed in a solid thirty seconds. Then he was tipping it back himself, drinking whatever Yuri had left.

He watched Otabek’s Adam’s apple bob with every swallow. He wanted to run his fingers over the stubble that started just below it, then up and over the sharp angles of his jawline.

His fingers itched but he kept them to himself.

They sat there for a while, room lit only by the tiny bit of light from the TV where the movie was paused.

Yuri stared at Otabek’s hands, the way he flexed one and then curled it into a fist, repeating it over and over. It was a curious thing to do, one that made Yuri reach out and touch the palm of Otabek’s hand.

“Is there something wrong with your wrist?” He asked, fingers pressed into Otabek’s hand. He stopped and looked back up at Yuri.

“I played football in high school,” Otabek began.

“Of course you did.”

Otabek grinned, gaze dropping back down to Yuri’s fingers on his palm. “Torn ligaments can be very painful. I had to get surgery, and ever since then, my wrist hasn’t felt quite right.”

Yuri traced over Otabek’s palm, up until he stopped at his wrist. He could feel Otabek’s pulse pattering rapidly beneath the tips of his fingers. “Does it hurt?”

“No,” Otabek said quietly. Then, “It just feels _weird_ . I need to stretch it sometimes or it starts to ache. Like that feeling after you’ve been seated for so long and you just _need_ to stretch your legs. It’s like that.”

Yuri hummed, feathering his touch over Otabek’s pulse. He looked up, catching Otabek’s gaze with his own. “Is that why you don’t play football anymore?”

Otabek smiled, one corner of his mouth higher than the other. “No, I just got tired of it.”

Yuri felt everything begin to slowly dull, the warmth of alcohol washing over him in one swift movement. One second he felt stone-cold sober, and the next he felt like curling into a ball and falling asleep. He was fixated on the way Otabek’s pulse was thrumming against his fingers.

He pulled his hand back suddenly, as if Otabek’s skin singed his fingers. He hadn’t really noticed how long he had been sitting there, just feeling Otabek’s pulse under his touch. Otabek must not have realized it either, but when Yuri pulled away, he rubbed his own fingers over where Yuri’s had just been.

“Have you really made out with another man before?” Yuri asked then, surprised by his ability to ruin the awkward silence with an equally as awkward question.

Otabek stared at him, hand paused on his wrist. He seemed to mull the question over for a bit before he shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Did you like it?”

“It was… Wet. I didn’t hate it, though.”

Yuri was nearing his 20th birthday. He’d drank enough to know that alcohol lowered his insecurities and washed away any of his self doubt. He’d only been carded once before, as he often had a way of getting what he wanted.

Clubs were dark and crowded. Bouncers at the front would let him past without carding him just because he knew how to bat his eyelashes just right.

Even knowing this, Yuri was still surprised by his lack of shame when he drank.

“Do you want to try it again?” Yuri questioned.

Otabek stared at him in silence, eyes flashing in the dim light from the television. Yuri wished he hadn’t moved his hand from Otabek’s wrist. He wished he could feel if his pulse jumped at Yuri’s question the way his own had.

“Yuri, I told you I-”

“You don’t want to lead me on, I know,” Yuri replied. He almost went on to say _too late_ or _I’m already in love with you you fucking idiot_ but he bit it back. He bit it back and stared Otabek down.

“You’re drunk.”

“Yeah, but they say that drinking just enhances the feelings you felt before you drank.”

“Are you saying you wanted to kiss me _before_ you were even drunk?” Otabek asked, eyebrows raising.

Yuri couldn’t tell whether he was surprised by this or not. Whether he was just so blissfully unaware of the way Yuri looked at him or whether he was just playing dumb.

Yuri just felt his own heart stutter in his chest before he reached over, grabbing a fistful of Otabek’s shirt. Then their lips were together and Yuri felt the flames rise.

It was hot, so _fucking_ hot.

Then Otabek was kissing him back. His lips were just as soft as Yuri had imagined, pliant and warm against his own. He tiptoed over the line that seemed to be drawn, knowing that if he stepped too far over it, this would be over. Otabek would pull away and mumble _no homo_ and then he’d pretend that this had never happened. He’d pretend that it was an accident and they were just drunk and this was stupid.

Yuri let go of his shirt. His hand moved to Otabek’s jaw. His fingers paved a path over the angles, Otabek’s stubble a delicious friction that Yuri wanted more of.

Otabek’s tongue ran over his lip, causing a shock that broke through his body like little arcs of lightning. Yuri opened his mouth, hesitantly, as if doing so would force Otabek away. It didn’t though, and the gentle push of Otabek’s tongue made a moan tumble from his lips.

It was too much and not enough at the same time. Every inch of Yuri’s skin felt as if it were engulfed in flames. Otabek was touching him, the tips of his fingers tickling across the back of Yuri’s neck.

When Otabek began to pull away, Yuri chased him. He didn’t want it to end, he didn’t want Otabek’s lips to be anywhere but pressed against his own. He didn’t want to lose the warmth of his tongue, the push and pull of his mouth, the quiet gasps that were shared between them.

It was over, though. Otabek’s hand was still placed on the back of Yuri’s neck, his breath was still so close that Yuri felt it fan over his lips with every exhale. He smelled of popcorn and rubbing alcohol and disgusting black licorice.

Otabek touched Yuri’s lips with his fingers before he turned away. The back of Yuri’s neck felt cold, hairs standing on end.

“Sorry, I’m drunk. You’re drunk. We shouldn’t-” Yuri watched Otabek touch his own lips, only for a moment, before turning back to face him. He looked lost and confused, as if everything that had just happened between them was the most impossible thing to have ever happened to him.

“I might be drunk, but I’m very aware of what just happened,” Yuri mumbled. He knew he was pushing buttons that he shouldn’t be. He knew that Otabek had warned him that he wanted nothing to do with leading Yuri on. Yuri knew that. He was aware. He knew what it meant to have feelings for someone who didn’t return them. Or couldn’t. Or just simply refused to.

The spark between them was undeniable, though. There was a possibility that Otabek would do everything he could to deny it, but Yuri felt the way he gave in so easily. The way he breathed a sigh of relief the moment their lips touched.

“Yuri, I-”

“Do you need to say no homo to make yourself feel better?” Yuri questioned. Otabek flinched. Yuri looked down at his hands.

“No.”

“But you _are_ going to pretend like this didn’t happen. Like I’m not over here panting because you just had your tongue in my mouth,” Yuri whispered. It wasn’t a question, not really. He was already very much aware of the way Otabek was slowly pulling away, as if scooting towards the other end of the bed would put enough space between them to erase the kiss. Like it would fall into a hole in the ground and cease to exist.

Otabek looked at him. Yuri looked back. Yuri could tell he was still breathing rather heavily, chest rising and falling in rapid succession. He saw the saliva coating his lips. There was no erasing this.

Otabek was grinning then, and Yuri wasn’t quite sure what to do with that.

“No. I’m not going to pretend like it didn’t happen.”

Even as he said that, Yuri noticed the gap between them had increased. Otabek seemed even further away, then, as if kissing him had pushed him in the opposite direction.

They’d both gone to sleep after that. Otabek slept on the floor, telling Yuri that it was good for his back anyways. Yuri slept on the very edge of his bed. Or, didn’t sleep, he watched Otabek in the moonlight that shined through the gaps in his blinds. Watched his chest rise and fall with every breath until he eventually drifted off.

Otabek was gone in the morning. Yuri felt groggy. His limbs were heavy and his head was pounding as he reached out for his phone.

Otabek (9:43): I’m sorry about last night

Otabek (9:45): I really don’t want to lead u on but I feel like I am

Otabek (9:48): maybe we shouldn’t talk for a while

Otabek (9:52): nvm I need u to tutor me bc I’m a fucking idiot

Otabek (9:53): but I’m still sorry

Otabek (9:54): I liked it though so I’m not really that sorry

Yuri laid there for a while. He had almost expected another chime to come in with the catchphrase _no homo_.

A text _did_ come in, though.

Otabek (12:03): r u awake? I need u to tutor me senpai

Yuri rubbed his eyes. He wanted to ignore the text. He really wanted to turn the screen back off and roll over to get more sleep. His head felt like it was going to explode and it was going to take every ounce of strength to roll out of his bed.

Yuri (12:06): omw

Their spot in the courtyard outside of the library was empty, save for Otabek. He looked as good as ever, as if he hadn’t gotten drunk and made out with Yuri less than ten hours ago.

“You look like shit,” Otabek said, eyes lifting from his book.

Yuri shrugged and sat beside him. The pounding in his head hadn’t ceased. His sunglasses were doing absolutely nothing to block the sun. He wanted to go back to sleep.

“Thanks.”

“Yuri, about-”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s fine. We don’t need to talk about it.”

So they didn’t. They talked about the Trojan war. They talked about Zeus again. They talked about Helen of Troy and Socrates.

Yuri had almost entirely forgotten the night before, save for the fact that Otabek was very intently watching his mouth. He had never done that before. It made Yuri squirm with anticipation, but he didn’t bring it up. He didn’t talk about it.

Something between them had changed. It had changed in a way that made Yuri feel stiff and on edge, as if the foundation of their entire relationship was going to crumble.

He wasn’t ready for that, though. He wasn’t ready to talk about what had transpired between them when they were intoxicated and surrounded by their own hormones in the dark of his bedroom.

It was all just an accident, Otabek sliding his tongue into Yuri’s mouth. His fingers like tiny shocks of electricity over Yuri’s skin.

“Yuri,” Otabek said, quietly, breaking the white noise that had erupted in his ears. “Are you even listening to me?”

Yuri looked up at him, shoving his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Yes.”

“Yeah? What did I just say then?”

“Okay, I wasn’t listening. You probably said something about JJ jacking you off but no homo, though. How close to the mark am I?”

Otabek laughed, a low and sweet sound. Yuri really liked the sound of it.

“Not even close. Though as I’ve mentioned, that definitely happened. It’s only gay if you high five after, everyone knows that.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. He was glad that Otabek was back to being himself. Though it did sting in a way, the idea of Otabek sucking on his tongue then acting normal. As if this were normal. As if he had absolutely no lingering feelings about the entire ordeal.

Yuri didn’t push. If this were the only way for him to be close to Otabek, he would find a way to deal with it. He would find a way to bottle up his feelings and lock them in a safe somewhere far out of his reach.

“Do you want to come see me play again this weekend?” Otabek asked then, the slap of his book closing startling Yuri out of his daze.

“Are you going to ditch me again for some chick who smells like she bathes in her perfume?”

“No. Probably not. No promises. Come anyways?”

Yuri eyed him carefully, thankful that his sunglasses hid the way he paused on Otabek’s lips. Remembering how they felt against his own.

“I guess so.”

“You better come looking hot or I’m going to pretend I don’t know you,” Otabek teased. Mirroring the words he said last time Yuri had come to see him play.

“No homo, though,” Yuri chimed in. He smiled.

Everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UHHH idk why this chapter is like 4k words long.  
> I stg these characters have minds of their own and I'm just scrambling to keep up rip


	5. Chapter 5

Yuri had debated for far too long on what he should wear that evening. He was trying his hardest to push his feelings away. He didn’t want to keep stabbing himself with something that couldn’t be.

He still wanted to look hot, though. Maybe he could snag someone else’s attention. Maybe he could find someone who would look at him and see the world, not just someone that made him uncomfortable.

Anyone but Otabek. He couldn’t take the way Otabek looked at him anymore. 

That’s why he had laid back on the bed to pull on his jeans. They were so tight he could barely sit, but he knew they made his ass look  _ fantastic _ . 

Yuri’s hair was braided at the back of his head, loose, French pleats. His shirt hung off one shoulder, showing off his sharp collarbone and ivory skin.

He hadn’t expected JJ to appear, though, as he stood staring at the building Otabek had invited him to. He’d never been to this part of town before, and he wasn’t sure if he was capable of getting into the club without getting a stamp or an armband that showed he was underage.

Yuri hated going to clubs without drinking. 

“Damn,” JJ had whistled, arm dropping over Yuri’s shoulders. Yuri jolted in surprise, eyebrows raised when JJ shot him a grin. “If I swung that way..”

“Oh, gross,” Yuri mumbled, hand flat against the side of JJ’s face. JJ just laughed in response, leading Yuri towards the entrance.

The line was long, and Yuri was ready to stand outside for hours, but JJ dragged him right to the front. Right to the front where they were both let inside without being carded or asked any questions.

“Perks of knowing the DJ,” JJ winked.

It took a bit for Yuri’s eyes to adjust to the dark. To the lights flashing from overhead, lighting up the room in short bursts. JJ grabbed hold of Yuri’s hand. Yuri almost protested, but the crowd was  _ a lot _ bigger than 20 people this time, so he held on tightly.

They stopped at the bar, JJ sliding him a shot of vodka before Yuri glanced around.

What he hadn’t realized before was that the club was  _ not _ like most he had been in before. There were dancers on the tables, and up in cages lining the walls. The music was a lot louder than last time. It felt as if his bones were vibrating under his skin.

It was a wonderful sound though, an exhilarating feeling to know that all of these people were listening to Otabek’s music. Listening to it and dancing to it and having a good time. It made Yuri swell with a sense of pride like Otabek was  _ his _ to be proud of.

Yuri looked around, trying to eye where exactly Otabek even was. He found him, eventually, after JJ pointed towards him.

Yuri felt the jealousy before he even realized it.

Two dancers, scantily clad, too close to Otabek for his liking. Not that he really had any room nor right to be jealous, but he was. He was so very jealous. He tried to swallow it down and ignore it, but it was there, rearing its ugly head.

JJ must have noticed. When he pushed another shot in between Yuri’s fingers, he leaned really close. “They’re just dancers, Yuri.”

Yuri ignored him, tossing back the shot as he tried to tear his eyes away. He couldn’t, though. He was fixated. Fixated on the way their hands moved over Otabek’s arms as he moved to the music. 

“Why do you think I care?” He asked then, eyes ripping away from the scene on the other side of the room. Where the spotlight was. Where Otabek was. 

JJ’s smirk annoyed him. “Want to move closer?” He asked, prying Yuri’s hand out of the fist it had curled into it. Little crescent-shaped marks lined his palm where his nails had dug in.

“Sure,” Yuri shrugged, allowing JJ to grab his hand and lead the way.

They slid between the crowd, Yuri trying not to lose his grip on JJ’s hand. They moved close enough that Yuri could make out the sheen of sweat on Otabek’s forehead. He could see the tendons moving in his arms as he worked. He tried to ignore the dancers on either side of Otabek.

He shot down the jealousy, choosing instead to turn back to JJ.

“Want to dance?” He asked, arms already wrapping around JJ’s neck. “No homo.”

JJ grinned at him and nodded, the two of them swaying together to the music. Between the alcohol coursing through him and the fact that he could  _ feel _ Otabek’s eyes on him, Yuri felt bold.

Bold and stupid.

He spun in JJ’s arms, pressing his back flush against JJ’s chest. JJ seemed confused, hands moving up and out, away from Yuri’s body.

“Just dance with me, it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly gay,” Yuri yelled, tugging JJ’s arms down until they were around his body. 

JJ’s hands found purchase on Yuri’s hips. Yuri began to grind against him, relishing the soft groan that slipped from JJ’s lips. As much as he tried to distance himself from literally anything even remotely gay, he was very into the way Yuri was moving his hips.

Yuri knew this only because of his erection that was growing against his lower back.

Yuri tried to forget that it was  _ JJ _ whose hands were all over him. That it was JJ who was breathing in his ear and on his shoulder. His eyes drifted up until they caught on Otabek’s.

Otabek was staring at him quietly, lips a thin line. He looked rather unamused.

Yuri just flashed his teeth at him before turning around in JJ’s arms. He pressed his face against JJ’s chest, the steady beat of the music soothing his nerves. Eventually, JJ pushed him away, glancing up at Otabek who was staring the two of them down.

“He looks like he wants to choke me out, so I’m going to go ahead and say you should probably stop,” JJ said, mouth close to Yuri’s ear.

Yuri laughed. “Fuck him, I don’t care.”

“Yuri, I know you’re just using me-” JJ paused, catching both of Yuri’s wrists with his hands. “Neither of us is into each other like that, why don’t you just talk to him instead?”

“He’s busy.”

“They’re just dancers, Yuri,” JJ said. His hand brushed over Yuri’s shoulder before he was pulling him away. Away from Otabek and the stiffness in his shoulders. He lacked the fluidity he’d had before Yuri had come along and squashed it.

“I know.”

“You’ve got it bad, bro,” JJ began, pushing Yuri into a booth towards the back of the club. It was quieter there. The crowd wasn’t as dense, but the music still pulsed through him. “Otabek knows it. I know it. You know it. You need to take a step back before someone ends up getting hurt.”

Yuri didn’t look him in the eyes, staring down at his fingers instead. Something about Otabek made him feel aggressive, and he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was.

They both fell silent. Words didn’t need to be spoken. Yuri just kept quiet in his corner of the booth, watching Otabek carefully.

He looked away after a while. “I want to go home.”

“Yuri, don’t worry about it. He’ll get over it. He’ll be done soon.”

It wasn’t long before Otabek was sliding into the booth next to Yuri, a glass of water in one hand, a bottle of tequila in the other.

Yuri was surprised to learn that Otabek drank things besides Jager.

“Here,” Otabek said quietly, shoving the water towards Yuri.

Yuri just glared at him. He wasn’t that drunk. Not really. He drank the water anyways.

“So,” Otabek began, uncapping the bottle before he slid it across the table towards JJ. “Never have I ever almost had sex with Yuri in public.”

Yuri could hear the anger coating his words. It made him feel a little warm, a little  _ wanted _ . His eyes landed on JJ, who sported a frown as he took a sip from the bottle.

“What the fuck was that about?” Otabek asked, his eyes transfixed on JJ. Yuri could feel the heat of his gaze even though it wasn’t directed at him. JJ stared back, though, unflinching.

“Ask him.”

Otabek began to flex his hand, other hand rubbing at his wrist as he did so. Yuri knew it was probably bothering him again. He was mostly trying to focus on anything but that heated gaze that had turned in his direction.

“I was jealous,” Yuri mumbled, touching his bare shoulder as he looked away.

“Don’t think I didn’t miss those laser beams you were shooting at me, bro,” JJ laughed, finger pointed at Otabek. “I thought you were going to jump off the stage and rip my intestines out.”

“Shut up, JJ,” Otabek said, without looking away from Yuri.

JJ didn’t shut up though. This was going to turn into a  _ never have I ever _ war. “Never have I ever kissed Yuri.”

Yuri froze. Otabek flinched, but he turned his face to look at JJ. “You almost did.”

“Alas, I’m not interested in him, so I didn’t. Also, I have Isabella. Why would I do that?” JJ grinned at him, knowing he had Otabek trapped. “Drink up, buttercup. Welcome to your Great Homosexual Awakening featuring Yuri Plisetsky.”

Otabek glared at him, but he snatched the bottle and took a swig. Eyes never leaving JJ. Yuri felt very uncomfortable.

“I was joking. I honestly didn’t even know you two had kissed. Where the fuck have I been?” JJ yelled, nearly standing up from his side of the booth.

“It didn’t mean anything,” Said Otabek.

“Yeah, he shoved his tongue in my mouth,” Said Yuri, at the same time.

“Great Homosexual Awakening,” JJ repeated. “Never have I ever wanted to fuck Otabek.”

His head tilted, eyes landing knowingly on Yuri.

“You’re doing this on purpose. That’s not how this game works.”

“The game works how I want it to work. Bottoms up, cupcake.”

Otabek was silent. Yuri peered at him after he set the bottle back down, watching the muscles in his jaw work together as he gritted his teeth. He wasn’t sure if Otabek was mad at him or JJ. Or both.

“Great Homosexual Awakening sounds like a great name for a band,” Yuri said then, wanting to ease the tension that was rapidly becoming tangible.

Otabek’s piercing gaze slid towards Yuri. “Don’t enable him.”

“Actually,” JJ said suddenly, grabbing the bottle from Yuri’s hands. “I should drink to that. There was definitely a time where I considered it.”

And he did. Yuri watched him in awe before a laugh escaped his lips. Otabek looked just as surprised, but the muscles in his jaw loosened as he let out a laugh.

“You mean to tell me that the one time I asked if you wanted to have sex you actually  _ considered _ it?”

“Yeah, I was going to agree and then say no homo but..”

“You can’t fuck a man in the ass and say no homo. That’s not how that works,” Yuri said, still laughing. 

Otabek paused, tapping a finger to his lips. “Who said  _ I _ would be the one getting plowed?”

“Oh, no. If we had sex, I would be the top, you asshole.”

“You’re more of a bottom, bro,” Otabek replied, a grin plastered on his face.

“Okay, but if I were a bottom, I’d be a power bottom. No homo, though.”

“You guys are aware that a lot of couples swap right? I mean, I’m sure some people prefer one or the other, but..” Yuri cut in.

“What about you, Yuri? Do  _ you _ prefer one or the other?” JJ asked, eyebrows waggling in a way that made Yuri want to gag.

“I’m not talking to you about my sexual preferences.”

“You literally dry humped me on the dance floor in front of my best friend because you wanted him to  _ look _ at you, but telling me your sexual preferences is crossing the line?” JJ asked incredulously.

“I did not.”

Otabek opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it.

“Did he have a boner?” Otabek asked.

Yuri covered his face with his hand.

“He had a boner,” Otabek said knowingly.

“No homo,” JJ said.

“I can’t believe there was a time when I let you touch my dick and I liked it,” Otabek grumbled.

“To think it all started with a game of gay chicken,” JJ answered, the smile on his lips widening. “Everyone but Otabek and I chickened out. We were the champions.”

“The winners of gay chicken, quite the accomplishment,” Otabek concluded, nodding his head.

Yuri rolled his eyes and sipped his water, the buzz of alcohol making him sleepy.

He was almost grateful that the conversation had moved on from him. He wasn’t really embarrassed by what he had done. The look Otabek had been giving him the entire time he was stuck on JJ was enough to fuel his fire.

Yuri felt himself dozing off, listening to the two of them shoot back and forth with their ridiculous stories from the past.

Until one of the dancers from earlier came around and his eyes snapped open. 

She leaned down and whispered in Otabek’s ear, slipping a piece of paper between his fingers. Yuri felt it again, the jealousy bubbling beneath the surface. He didn’t say a word though, fingers curling into a fist in his lap.

He watched her saunter off, hips swaying overdramatically. It annoyed him. He was annoyed.

“What was that?” JJ asked, eyes dropping to the paper Otabek held between his fingers.

“Her phone number.”

“Are you going to call her?”

Yuri didn’t miss the glance that Otabek shot in his direction. He didn’t miss him slip the piece of paper into his pocket instead of throwing it away.

Yuri definitely didn’t miss the look of pity he received from JJ.

“I want to go home,” Yuri said then, trying to force his way out of the booth. Otabek stood and allowed him past, but he caught Yuri by the arm.

“I’ll come with you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Yuri snarled, ripping his arm from Otabek’s grasp.

He knew he was acting like a child, but everything hurt and he wanted to do nothing but crawl into his bed. Otabek followed him anyways. He called Yuri a cab, and instead of leaving once Yuri was in it, he climbed in with him.

JJ had said he’d catch his own. Something about Isabella. Probably to get laid.

It was quiet. The only sound came from the low buzz of the radio and the cars passing by. Yuri stared out the window, trying his hardest to fight the tears back.

He’d almost expected Otabek to crumple up the paper and throw it away. He wasn’t sure  _ why _ . As long as he had known Otabek, his flings were a constant part of his every day. Yuri saw the marks on his neck. Yuri was aware of it all. He wasn’t sure why he thought now would be when Otabek would change.

He climbed out of the cab without a word, heading off towards his building without a backward glance.

Otabek was right behind him though. Then he had his hand on Yuri’s arm. It wasn’t tight. It wasn’t demanding. It was a gentle brush of his fingers that made Yuri stop in his tracks.

“I’m not going to call her.”

“I don’t care who you do or don’t call,” Yuri said quietly, eyes fixated on the building looming above them.

“Yes, you do.”

“You clearly have some internal conflict going on with your Great Homosexual Awakening or whatever, and honestly, I don’t know if I want to be a part of that.”

That was a lie. He did. He’d already come to terms with the fact that this was just how things were. That it was a one-sided love. That he wouldn’t get over Otabek, but that he also didn’t  _ want _ to. He wanted Otabek there, even if it was just as a friend.

“Yuri,” Otabek said, dropping his hand from Yuri’s arm.

“What?” He asked, without turning around.

“You keep pushing and prodding and I keep saying I don’t want to lead you on. I don’t like seeing you do this to yourself. I’m not trying to hurt you.”

Yuri sighed. He considered turning around, but he knew that if he did, tears would begin to spill over. He couldn’t cry, not now. So instead, he just stood there. Staring at the building with his arms loose at his sides.

“I’ve never been serious about anyone before. Especially not a man. I don’t think I have the ability to do either.”

Yuri turned, then, even though he knew what was going to happen. The burn in his eyes won over. “All I want is for you to stop lying to yourself, Otabek. You and I both know what this is, but you keep trying so goddamn hard to push it away.”

“I don’t know what this is, Yuri. I just know that I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m old enough to make decisions myself. If I get hurt, I get hurt. That’s part of life.”

Otabek smiled at him. “I know, Yuri. I just can’t handle you getting hurt by me when I have the capability to stop it. That’s why I’m going to stop inviting you out. To personal things. I think we need to go back to how it was, where you tutor me and we just.. Exist. Or something.”

That stung. Yuri just nodded, swiping at the teardrop trailing down his cheek. “Maybe you’re right.”

He turned, slowly, almost expecting Otabek to stop him. He didn’t.

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────  
  


Yuri (16:23): Have you seen Otabek? He usually asks me to tutor him on Mondays and I haven’t seen him since Saturday night

JJ (16:31): Do you want the truth or like a half-truth because I can do either

Yuri (16:33): The truth

JJ (16:36): He’s out on a date

JJ (16:36): That girl from the club

JJ (16:37): Don’t tell him I told you he’ll fucking kill me

JJ (16:39): Yuri??

Yuri (16:43): Tell him if he tries to contact me again that I will rip his balls off and shove them down his throat

JJ (16:44): ??????????????????????????????

Otabek (19:05): Yuri

Otabek (19:05): Please don’t be mad at me

Otabek (19:05): Yuri

Otabek (19:05): Yuri

Otabek (19:05): Yuri

Otabek (19:06): Yuri

Otabek (20:03): I’m sorry

Yuri  _ wanted _ to cry about it. He wanted to get angry and break things or shove his fist through the wall. He really did. He thought he should. 

He didn’t. He didn’t feel much about it, honestly. He stared at his phone in his hands and willed the tears to fall, but they never did. It was almost as if he had seen it coming.

He’d done it to himself. Otabek had warned him. He didn’t listen.

Otabek had lied, though. That was the part that hurt the most.

The pounding on his door cut into his train of thought, eyes lifting to stare at it. He knew who it was even without opening it. Otabek wasn’t the type of person to let things alone.

“I know you’re in there, Yuri.” He sounded tired. Exasperated. Like he had sprinted across campus to get to Yuri’s door in the few minutes since his last text. He probably had.

“What do you want?”

“Listen, I’m sorry.”

“Were you sorry when you were balls deep in that random chick from the club? Or were you sorry before, when I was so desperately trying to get your goddamn attention but you ignored me?”

_ Thud _ . Otabek must have slammed his forehead into the door.

“Jesus, Yuri, do you think I bone everything that moves?”

Yes.

“I don’t know shit about you, actually,” Yuri shot back. That was mostly a lie. He knew a lot about Otabek. He knew Otabek was an only child and both of his parents were in the music industry. He knew Otabek could play the guitar and sing, and that he had been DJing since he was in high school.

He knew that Otabek’s favorite color was black, if that even counted as a color, and that he had a motorcycle. He  _ loved _ motorcycles. 

What he didn’t know, though, was just how many people Otabek slept with over the course of their friendship.

“Yuri, I just wanted things to go back to how they were. Why can’t things just go back to how they were?”

Yuri held his breath. He remembered the feelings he tried to lock away. The ones he thought he had put in a safe that was padlocked and buried. He, too, wanted things to go back to how they were. His heart ached and his chest hurt and he was just so fucking  _ tired _ of being sad.

He placed his feet on the ground. He stepped toward the door. He pulled it open. Otabek almost fell forward, having been leaning against the door until Yuri opened it abruptly.

“Fine,” Yuri said. “I don’t want to know what you did with that girl. I don’t want to know about any of that shit. If you can keep your sex life away from me then we can. We can go back to how things were. I just can’t  _ handle _ that, Otabek.”

Otabek looked down, then back up to meet Yuri’s gaze. He nodded. “Okay. Alright.”

“I will keep my hands to myself so you can keep pretending you aren’t interested in me, too.”

Otabek flinched, but he didn’t answer.

Yuri wanted to be angry. He wanted to slam the door in Otabek’s face and go back to moping on the bed. That wasn’t like him, though. He knew he had brought  _ all  _ of this upon himself. He was the one who ignored Otabek’s warning. He was the one who pushed himself on Otabek even though it was obvious that Otabek was trying to keep away.

It was his fault their friendship had been reduced to an angsty mess of Yuri crying and pouting and Otabek constantly apologizing.

Otabek was flexing his hand again, Yuri watching intently.

“So did you really want to fuck JJ at some point?” Yuri asked, grin on his face when Otabek looked back up at him.

Yuri wanted to whisper something about the size of JJ’s dick, but he just kept it to himself. He didn’t want to bring up that night ever again if he could help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW WHAT A LONG ASS CHAPTER JFC.  
> Do I apologize or..?
> 
> Anyways, Great Homosexual Awakening was inspired by [this comment](https://imgur.com/a/YolYIk3)  
> <3


	6. Chapter 6

Yuri fanned out the flashcards, looking at Otabek over them as he held them close to his face.

“I don’t like flashcards,” Otabek complained.

“You have your midterm in like a week. If you want to pass you should probably learn to like them. Or at least tolerate them.”

Otabek rolled his eyes.

Yuri stared at him, trying not to look down at the exposed skin from his shirt riding up his stomach. Otabek had his legs over Yuri’s, head leaned against a pillow.

“Fine,” Grumbled Otabek.

“Apollo.”

“Zeus’ kid. Had a twin? I think. I don’t know, Zeus had like a million kids with a million women.”

“You shouldn’t  _ think _ you should  _ know _ ,” Yuri chided.

“He did. Artemis.”

“Who was Artemis?”

“Goddess of... Something. Yuri, we’ve been at this for three hours please have mercy.”

Yuri laughed, but he conceded, dropping the flashcards on Otabek’s stomach.

“Fine, but if you fail you can’t blame me.”

“No, I told you, if I fail, I’m  _ definitely _ blaming you.”

Yuri just rolled his eyes in response. He was just as tired as Otabek was, if not more. He had spent his week quizzing Otabek at every possible moment, in between his  _ own _ classes. He was trying to forget the incident from the weekend, pushing it to the back of his mind where it could rot until he no longer thought about it.

The door swung open then, Yuri jolting in surprise.

“Oh, I didn’t know you two were getting cozy in here,” JJ said, a grin playing on his face.

“ _ Otabek _ is getting cozy. I’m fucking trying to teach him things that he just refuses to learn.”

Otabek stuck out his lower lip, turning to look at JJ. JJ shrugged. “Sorry, Beks, you’re not the smartest person I know.”

“That’s what I tell him every day. He’s literally a strainer.”

“Ouch, Yuri,” Otabek said. “To think I was going to invite you to my gig this weekend. It’s small. And I need support because there’s probably going to be five entire people there.”

Yuri looked at him, head tilted to the side. “I thought I wasn’t going to be invited to your personal things anymore.”

“Yeah, whatever. Fuck that. Can you come?”

Yuri considered saying no for a minute. Only a minute, though. He had spent nearly every weekend lately with Otabek or around Otabek or listening to Otabek’s music. Honestly, though, he wasn’t tired of it. He wanted to support Otabek, no hidden intentions behind that.

He opened his mouth to respond when his phone went off where it lay on the bed, next to Otabek. Who was looking at it with his eyebrows raised.

“I know that sound,” Otabek said, eyes lifting to meet Yuri’s.

Yuri cleared his throat and leaned over, snatching his phone away from Otabek’s prying eyes. “A text message tone?”

“Your text message alert is the same sound as a Grindr notification? Somehow I don’t think that’s the case.”

JJ snorted from where he stood in the doorway. “Otabek, how the fuck do you know what a Grindr notification sounds like?”

Yuri clutched his phone to his chest, but he too was curious.

“I just.. Do. I know some people..” Otabek trailed off, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“Just a text message,” Yuri mumbled. A lie.

“Really? I didn’t know you routinely spoke to people who said  _ hey sexy _ .”

“You don’t really know much about me. Maybe I do. Maybe I have a boyfriend.”

Otabek’s eyebrows were so far up his forehead that Yuri thought they would disappear into his hairline. “Okay, Yuri.”

“Why do you care what I do anyway?”

Otabek’s cheeks reddened, eyes darting away. “I guess I don’t.”

Yuri wasn’t entirely convinced, and when he looked over at JJ, he had a hand over his face. 

“I met someone,” Yuri began, a smile slipping onto his face. It was hard to miss the face Otabek was making from where he sat. “His name’s Leo. I like him a lot, actually.”

“Good for you, Yuri,” JJ grinned.

Otabek just mumbled something and looked away.

“I’m going to bring him to your gig. I haven’t met him in person yet so it’ll be fun,” Yuri paused, eyes still stuck on Otabek. Otabek who was refusing to look at him. “It’s nice having someone tell me I’m cute without adding a  _ no homo _ .”

Otabek just waved his hand around. Yuri took that as an  _ okay _ before he sighed and slipped behind JJ to leave.

JJ stopped him in the hallway, hand on his shoulder. “He’ll come around eventually, Yuri.”

Yuri didn’t look back, phone still clutched to his chest. “I’m not going to wait for him.”

He wasn’t. He’d already found companionship in Leo who listened to his rants late into the evening. They’d only started talking on Sunday after Yuri had curiously downloaded the app, but he felt like he had known Leo  _ forever _ . He was sweet and kind, and he was emotionally available unlike a certain asshole with an undercut.

Yuri heard the breath JJ let out, an almost tired sound, but he just continued down the hallway. Yuri was moving forward from here on out.

 

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────  
  


Yuri had gone out of his way to drag an entire crew with him. He’d talked Mila into coming, who then talked Sara into coming. Then, of course, there was Leo.

The person he was beginning to grow rather fond of. His smile was bright, his laugh was warm and gentle. The way he looked at Yuri made Yuri blush something fierce.

He could feel the connection between them, and he wanted nothing more than to chase it. Now that Yuri was  Definitely Moving On , Leo seemed like he could be the type of person Yuri could date. Maybe. He reminded Yuri a little of Josh, but that wasn’t entirely a bad thing.

The minute Leo had seen him, he’d scooped Yuri into a bone-crushing hug. He’d whispered how great Yuri looked, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Yuri had swooned and turned beet red, only just remembering what it felt like to feel wanted and adored.

They’d tangled their fingers together, Yuri’s heart beating so quickly that he could hear it roaring in his ears. He tingled all over, his entire body a bundle of nerves. Everything tickled, especially the feeling of Leo’s fingers trapped between his own.

“You can’t drink that, Yuri, we’re all going to get in trouble,” Mila whispered, looking as though she wanted to climb across the table and steal his vodka from him. He just glared at her, scooting closer to Leo.

“Mila, you can be quite the wet blanket,” Sara said, patting Mila’s hand where it laid on the table. Yuri just snorted. Sara winked at him before dragging Mila off, much to her chagrin. She was still protesting that Yuri  _ shouldn’t be drinking because he’s not even 20 yet!  _ Yuri, of course, was going to do the exact opposite because he always had. He never listened to Mila. And drinking was  _ fun _ .

He scanned the club, which was  _ a lot _ smaller than the previous. There were no dancers, there were no ridiculous strobe lights, and there was no JJ. He spotted Otabek immediately though, up in his booth with his headphones on.

Yuri only looked at him for a moment before turning back to Leo.

“Want to dance?” Yuri asked, fingers tracing over Leo’s arm.

“I’m not very good at dancing,” Leo admitted, face flushing. He was cute. Yuri felt the tiny flaps of butterfly wings every time he spoke. He found himself watching Leo’s lips every time, wondering what they would feel like against his own.

“You don’t have to do much but stand there and look hot,” Yuri grinned. He grabbed Leo’s wrist and pulled him from the booth. The crowd was small, only a few people dancing, but Yuri didn’t mind. He liked dancing when he drank, and Leo looked like a goddamn snack and Yuri would be  _ out of his mind _ if he said he wasn’t interested.

Leo seemed a little lost, arms out awkwardly until Yuri pulled him in. He led him in an easy dance, their bodies close enough for Yuri to feel his heat. His arms snaked around Leo’s neck after he guided Leo’s hands to his hips. 

“You look great, Yuri,” Leo said lowly. Yuri just smiled, eyelashes fluttering. “I’m really glad you invited me here.”

“Are you trying to get into my pants?” Yuri asked, eyebrow quirked. “Because it’s working.” He’d said that last part on his tiptoes, lips brushing against the shell of Leo’s ear.

Leo didn’t answer though, a small smile creeping onto his lips. Yuri didn’t want to let go of him, enjoying the feeling of his arms encasing him.

Yuri placed one of his hands on Leo’s chest, touching the muscles through his shirt with curious fingertips. Leo just watched him intently, the two of them swaying to their own beat.

He didn’t even think about Otabek, nor the fact that Otabek was very much  _ there _ , in the same room. Within 15 feet, and very likely able to see the two of them.

For once he thought of something else, like the trace of Leo’s lips along the side of his face. The press of his fingers into his hips, his lower back, pulling him impossibly closer.

Yuri giggled when Leo found the soft spot on his neck, tongue running over his pulse. Yuri didn’t do flings. He didn’t do one night stands or sleep around. He’d only had sex with one other person in his entire existence, but right then, at that moment, he wanted nothing more than Leo on top of him.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the music. Maybe it was how wonderful his lips felt, or the way his tongue slid over Yuri’s with no hesitation. Or maybe Yuri just wanted to feel  _ wanted _ , and Leo was holding him and kissing him and whispering things that made Yuri swell with confidence.

Yuri tilted his head to the side, eyes fluttering shut as Leo licked and nibbled at the side of his neck. When he opened his eyes, he saw Otabek, in the booth. Staring at him. Watching him. Yuri turned away quickly, fingers catching hold of Leo’s collar.

“I want another drink,” Yuri said. Leo’s face was flushed, lips pinkened from their kiss.

Leo nodded, eyes shining in the dim light. Yuri followed behind him, their fingers entwined. 

They crowded together at the bar, though there were only a few other people. Yuri was buzzed and didn’t want to leave Leo’s side. He was warm and comfortable. And he smelled nice. He admired his profile, the jut of his lips, the curve of his nose. His eyes lit up when he turned and saw Yuri staring at him.

After too many shots, Yuri found himself leaning against Leo. They hadn’t left the bar, and even though there was  _ a lot _ of space, Yuri found himself only moving closer. Leo’s body heat felt nice, and the tickle of his lips against his ear had him only wanting more.

His thoughts began to drift to the thought of Leo. Naked, sweating, groaning Yuri’s name. Over him, on him,  _ in _ him-

“Yuri, I think you’ve had enough to drink.”

Yuri knew that voice. He turned slowly, catching sight of Otabek. Sweaty, tired Otabek. His eyes were blown out and his hair was a mess, but the gentle press of his fingers into Yuri’s arm made Yuri’s breath catch in his throat.

“I’m old enough to know when to stop,” Yuri said lowly, pulling his arm away.

“You’re not even old enough to drink, Yuri,” Otabek hissed. “You’re over here nearly having sex at the bar in a club with some guy you just met, I think it’s time for you to go home.”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?” Then, “Oh. Oh, I get it. You’re jealous.”

“No, Yuri. You’re drunk and you need to go home.”

“You don’t get to do this, Otabek. You don’t get to give me false hopes then crush them and get jealous when I find someone who actually  _ wants _ me.”

Leo wrapped an arm around Yuri, protectively, eyes fixated on Otabek.

“Whatever, Yuri,” Otabek gritted, eyes flickering to Leo with a nasty expression before he left.

“Can you take me home?” Yuri asked, refusing to watch Otabek as he left. Refusing to feed the problem and make it worse. Leo was sober, having not drunk a drop the entire evening.

Yuri slid into his car, huffing as he pulled on his seatbelt.

“Who was that?” Leo asked, shifting the car into reverse. He glanced at Yuri but didn’t push. He waited until Yuri felt like responding.

“This guy I tutor.”

Leo just hummed, but he didn’t ask any more questions. Yuri was glad for that. He really didn’t feel like talking about Otabek.

He really wasn’t drunk. He’d drank enough to be on the line, but he was sober. His run-in with Otabek had definitely sped up the process. He was too annoyed to be drunk.

When they pulled up in front of his building, Yuri almost considered inviting Leo in.

Yuri didn’t do flings, though. As much as he wanted to, he knew he would chicken out.

Instead, he pressed a kiss to Leo’s lips before slipping out of the car. They promised to meet up again soon.

Yuri really, truly liked him.

 

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────  
  


When Yuri reached the top of the stairs, he could see right into Otabek’s room. It always made him surge with happiness when Otabek would notice him, a grin lighting up his face.

This time, though, Yuri could only see a leg.

He heard grunting and laughter, eyes widening with curiosity as he stepped closer.

There was Otabek, arm locked around JJ’s neck. He had him pinned down to the ground, JJ trying his hardest to flip them both over. To take control of the situation and get himself out of the headlock that Otabek had him in.

Otabek was too strong though, biceps flexing with every movement JJ tried to make.

Then JJ was hitting the ground with his hand, gasping for air when Otabek let him go.

“Christ, Beks, maybe you should have done wrestling in college.”

“I’m shit at wrestling, you’re just a weak little bitch,” Otabek shot back, rubbing his hand over his wrist. Yuri had noticed that was a habit of his, something he seemed to do absently when he talked.

“That’s possibly the gayest thing I’ve ever seen you two engaged in,” Yuri chimed in, leaning against the doorframe.

The two of them both jumped in surprise, but JJ grinned. “That’s  _ definitely _ not the gayest thing we’ve ever done.”

“JJ once told me that he sometimes jerks off when his hand is asleep so it feels like someone else is touching his dick,” Otabek paused, eyes flitting back to JJ. “That’s pretty gay considering it’s still another man touching your dick.”

“No homo.”

Yuri rolled his eyes, stepping between them to sit on the edge of Otabek’s bed.

He wasn’t sure if Otabek was still mad, but the way he was speaking made Yuri think he had forgotten about it.

“Otabek passed his midterm,” JJ said, giving Otabek a fist bump before saluting Yuri. “You should take him out to dinner or- Nevermind. I’m shutting up.”

JJ left, leaving the two of them alone. Yuri looked everywhere but at Otabek, choosing instead to stare at a poster on the wall.

“So,” Otabek said.

“So, you passed your midterm,” Yuri said.

“I’m sorry,” Otabek said, at the same time.

Yuri looked at him, then. Otabek wasn’t looking back, though. He was staring down at his hands and doing the thing where he flexed his fingers to stretch his wrist. The tips of his ears were red and his lips were pressed together. Yuri felt the stutter of his heartbeat.

“I was jealous. I don’t deserve to be jealous. You deserve happiness and I'm sorry,” Otabek said lowly.

“Yeah, I do,” Agreed Yuri. He did. He deserved to be happy and loved and wanted just as much as anyone else. He didn’t deserve the things Otabek did or the way Otabek jerked him around.

Otabek just nodded.

Yuri’s phone chimed.

“You still have that stupid app?” Otabek asked, gaze finally lifting to look at Yuri.

Yuri knew Otabek well enough to see the different emotions flicker across his features. Anger. Jealousy. Confusion.

“Yeah,” Yuri said, shrugging his shoulders. “Leo and I have been hitting it off really well but it’s not really a  _ commitment _ .”

The truth was, Yuri really liked the attention.

“Hm,” Otabek hummed.

“How about that celebration dinner?” Yuri asked, changing the topic. 

He saw the way Otabek clenched his fist until his knuckles whitened.

"Okay," Otabek agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

Yuri knew the implications of taking Otabek out to dinner. Even though he brought him to a small restaurant with the exact opposite of a romantic atmosphere, it still felt intimate. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. The back of his mind was screaming  _ don’t do this _ while the rest of him felt relieved. Relieved to be around Otabek. To talk to Otabek. It brought all of his feelings rushing forward in a way that almost knocked him on his ass.

Especially when Otabek had shown up in dark jeans that hugged his thighs. Wearing a buttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Yuri was absolutely fucked.

“You’re doing that on purpose,” Yuri mumbled, snatching his arm away when Otabek tried to grab it. 

Otabek smiled, sweetly. “Doing what?”

“The forearm thing. You know what you’re doing.”

“Huh. I don’t, care to explain?”

Yuri just rolled his eyes. He wasn’t going to feed into that. Not with the way Otabek was chuckling because that fucker  _ knew _ .

He was trying so hard not to slip under. To not think about the way Otabek made his heart hurt in more ways than one. 

When the waitress appeared to take their order, Yuri didn’t miss the way Otabek flirted with her. She giggled and touched his shoulder, Yuri feeling the burn of  _ something _ deep down.

“So,” Otabek began, eyebrows wiggling. “This is our first date.”

“This isn’t a date, jackass.”

“Right, right. No homo. Do you think I can get the waitress’ number?” Otabek asked, dramatically leaning to the side to stare at her. She was further down the way, taking the order of a couple in a booth.

Yuri felt his eye twitch. He wasn’t going to be jealous because being jealous meant he actually gave a shit.

“Probably,” He mumbled. Not entirely a lie. He saw the way people stared at Otabek when they were around him. It was obvious enough that even  _ Otabek  _ noticed and Otabek wasn't always aware of the things going on around him.

Yuri watched Otabek’s arms. He had a thing for forearms and Otabek’s were nice and wonderful and Yuri was mentally kicking himself for falling back into his habits.

“Thanks for helping me pass my midterms,” Otabek said then, cutting into Yuri’s thoughts. Yuri forced a smile, eyes flicking up to meet Otabek’s.

“Yeah. Now to try to get you to pass your final. At least I know you actually  _ listen _ to what I teach you.”

Otabek looked hurt by that, but the sparkle in his eyes made Yuri’s heart flutter. He tried not to think about Leo. He tried not to think about Otabek and the way he was looking at Yuri as if he were the only other person in the room. 

He definitely tried not to think about Otabek’s foot pressed up against his own.

Dinner passed quickly, quietly, Yuri picking at his food as he tried to swallow down his feelings before they came pouring out. He didn’t want this to happen all over again. He was trying with all his might to move on. He’d found someone who cared about him. Someone who called him every night before he went to sleep and whispered  _ sweet dreams _ . Someone who made his heart sing and his nerves spark.

But then there was Otabek. Sweet, wide-eyed Otabek. With his stupid hats and his stupid sayings and his stupid fucking lopsided grin that made Yuri’s heart stammer in his chest. His stupid, perfect forearms and his  _ stupid _ hair.

Yuri was glad when they left the restaurant. He made a mental note to never do that again. At least if it was just the two of them. He wasn’t sure he could handle it.

Otabek had walked him back to his dorm. It was hot out, the breeze blowing locks of Yuri’s hair into his face. They stayed quiet, but it wasn’t uncomfortably so. They just simply existed, and that was fine.

Yuri had felt his phone buzzing half the night, but he thought it would be rude to respond to any of his texts when he was spending time with Otabek. It was likely they were all from Leo, but he would get to those when he was back in his dorm by himself.

Leo could wait. 

Otabek stood behind Yuri as he unlocked his door. He struggled with the lock, fingers trembling. Otabek was staring at him intently, and Yuri felt every second of it. Every second of it felt like a lifetime.

Yuri turned, feeling Otabek’s body heat against his back. His hand grabbed Yuri’s arm, and Yuri looked down at it before looking back up.

“Thanks, Yuri,” Otabek said quietly. He was close enough for Yuri to feel the breath from his words. 

Yuri wanted to take a step back. He wanted to put distance between them. The only thing he could hear was his heart racing in his chest, threatening to crack open his ribs. He was certain Otabek could hear it too, the way his eyes were trained on Yuri.

Then, he was leaning forward, lips so close to Yuri’s that he could almost feel them again. He remembered how warm and soft and pliant they were. How much of a give and take, a push and pull their kiss had been. 

Otabek stopped himself, pulling back before their lips could even touch. Yuri had been holding his breath, but he let it out the minute Otabek had backed away.

“Otabek,” Yuri started.

“I- Sorry. Thank you, Yuri, really. You’re a good friend,” Otabek smiled, that mischievous smile that made Yuri’s heart soar. “No homo, though.”

Then Yuri was giggling like Otabek hadn’t just been an inch away from kissing him. Like his fingers hadn’t just been burning the skin on his arm. Like nothing had happened at all.

Yuri almost invited Otabek inside, but his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, a call from Leo.

Otabek just nodded, once, hair falling into his forehead before he left. Yuri saw the shadow pass over his eyes, but he shook it off. Shook it off and answered the phone.

“Hey, Leo.”

“Yuri, I’ve been texting you. I rented that movie you wanted to see.”

Shit. Right. Yuri had made plans for  _ after _ dinner. He’d invited Leo over to watch a movie. 

“Oh,” Yuri was saying, opening his door before he closed it and leaned against it. His heart was still pounding in his chest. Too loud and too rapid.

“Can I come over now?”

Yuri just said  _ yes _ before he hung up and slid down until his ass hit the floor.

He stayed there until there was a tap on the wood. It shook him from his trance, any thoughts of Otabek and his lips and how close they were drifting away.

Yuri opened the door wearily, but he perked up the minute he saw Leo. 

He forgot about Otabek pretty quickly.

As much as Yuri had agreed that he  _ really _ wanted to watch the movie Leo had gone out of his way to bring over, he was doing a whole lot of  _ not paying attention _ . Leo kept nudging him when he would begin to zone out, eyes trained on Leo’s lips.

It was almost like a reiteration of what had happened between him and Otabek only a few weeks ago. Only Leo wasn’t out of his reach. Leo was there and solid and real and just as interested in Yuri as Yuri was in him.

“Kiss me,” Yuri said quietly, his fingers reaching out to touch Leo’s chin. Leo turned to look at him, eyes dropping to Yuri’s lips before he chuckled.

It was a melodious sound, one that Yuri wanted to hear more of.

“Okay,” Leo whispered, brushing his lips over Yuri’s. Tentatively, giving Yuri a chance to break it if he wanted to. Yuri didn’t want to.

It was gentle at first, just a soft press of their lips. Chaste and quick, over and over until Yuri ran his tongue over Leo’s lip. Leo opened his mouth and Yuri slid their tongues together, his hands moving to grip Leo’s shirt. His skin was searing, lips hot and wet and so completely covered in  _ Leo _ .

Yuri was a firecracker and Leo was a match.

He grabbed Leo's lip with his teeth. He heard the rush of air from Leo's lungs. Leo touched Yuri’s neck, thumb brushing over the sensitive skin below his ear. Yuri was melting into his touch, heart racing as he sucked on Leo's tongue.

Leo's fingers crept up Yuri's shirt, little feather-light traces over his stomach. Yuri shuddered and let out a whimper. Then Leo gently laid him down onto the bed, flat on his back. He gazed up at Leo, chest heaving before he tilted his head back. Leo’s lips felt wonderful brushing over his skin. When he bit down for the first time, Yuri yelped and squirmed. He wanted more. It wasn't enough. He was trying so hard to rub his dick against Leo, but he was too far away.

Leo peeled off Yuri's shirt, eyes flashing. Yuri just moaned out a quiet  _ Leo _ , before Leo was over him again. On him. His lips were hot and wet, sucking and biting and pulling at Yuri's skin. He was hot and horny and Leo was breaking him apart when his mouth and his teeth in ways Yuri had never known possible.

His breath hitched when Leo tongued over his nipple. He felt a shock course through him when Leo’s teeth sank in, tongue whirling over the nub. Yuri's fingers hurt from how hard he was clutching at Leo's shirt.

Leo’s lips found his again, wet and sloppy as Yuri’s hands moved to the hem of Leo’s shirt. He wanted  _ everything _ . He wanted it all.

“Yuri,” Leo whispered, breath tickling over Yuri’s lips. “If we take this step, we can’t take it back.”

Yuri opened his eyes then, only to see Leo staring back at him. The intensity of it made him shiver. It made his heart ache and his chest hurt.

“I know,” Yuri whispered back. “I want it, I want  _ you _ .”

Leo’s arms were on either side of Yuri’s head then, the weight of his body warm and welcome as it pushed Yuri down into the mattress. Yuri slid his fingers into Leo’s hair, feeling the soft locks between his fingers. They stared at each other for a while, Leo's lips parted as he tried to catch his breath.

Yuri tugged at Leo's shirt until he sat back, ripping it off over his head. Yuri  _ groaned _ when his fingers touched Leo's bare skin. They paved a path over his collarbone, down his chest, over the hair under his belly button.

He bent his leg slightly, rubbing his thigh against the heat in Leo's jeans. The rumble in Leo's chest made Yuri gasp. He had never felt so powerful, so  _ alive. _

He swiftly undid Leo’s pants, hand slipping into his boxers. Leo was already hard, warm and heavy in his hand. He gave a few tentative strokes, relishing Leo’s groans that were muffled against his neck.

Yuri reached between them and unbuttoned his pants, pulling his own cock out. Yuri pulled Leo's out from his boxers, hissing when they touched. It was a jolt, a quick spark. He carefully wrapped his lithe fingers around them, both hands working together.

The feeling of Leo's cock rubbing against his own made his eyes roll back in his head. It was hot and  _hard_ , rubbing against his own with fervor. Leo was not gentle, he was not slow and soft with the thrust of his hips. The way he fucked into Yuri's hands and against his cock had Yuri babbling his name like a prayer. Yuri curled his toes. Leo swallowed every noise that Yuri made, every sound that tripped over his lips.

He felt splayed open and vulnerable, under Leo,  _covered_ in Leo. It was all he needed then. Just the shared breaths and the steady growl rising in Leo's throat.

Leo kissed him again, hot and heady. Yuri was coming undone, his hands losing their grip as Leo rutted against him. His mind was blank, eyes squeezed shut. Leo ran his tongue over the shell of Yuri's ear and it was all too much. He was falling apart, melting, becoming a puddle of nothing under Leo's ministrations.

The friction was too much, and then his orgasm was so close. It lapped at his toes like waves until Yuri was falling in. 

_ Yuri, you feel so good. _

_ Yuri, you're gorgeous. _

_ Yuri, come for me. _

Yuri spilled between them. A sharp cry of Leo's name escaping his lips as his body stiffened.

Leo followed soon after, a few short thrusts of his hips before Yuri felt long, thick ropes of his cum land on his stomach.

Yuri felt the warmth of both of their orgasms on his skin, felt it pool on his stomach before it began to cool down. He felt numb all over, every inch of his body aflame. Sensitive, even.

“ _ God _ , Yuri,” Leo breathed, capturing Yuri's lips in another heated kiss.

Yuri hummed quietly. Leo broke their kiss, lips trailing down Yuri's jaw. He kissed Yuri's collarbone. Then he was lapping at the cum on Yuri's stomach. Yuri panted quietly, dick twitching at the way Leo was looking up at him. The way his eyes were so bright and kind while his tongue dragged over Yuri's skin. Slowly, carefully, cleaning up the remains of their passion as Yuri watched.

Yuri pulled him up, their lips meeting somewhere in the middle when he sat up on one elbow. Yuri tasted everything, a warmth flickering in his chest when Leo touched his cheek.

“Maybe next time I come over we can actually watch the movie,” Leo mused, voice low against Yuri's mouth.

Yuri grinned. “Probably not.”

Leo's kissed Yuri's forehead. Yuri breathed and tried to quell the little flaps of wings that swore to break him apart from the inside. Leo tucked strands of Yuri’s hair behind his ear and whispered words of praise until Yuri’s eyelids felt heavy, the promise of sleep washing over him. He had never felt so tired in his life.

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────

_ “Yuri, I love you so fucking much,” _

If he did, why did he leave?

_ “I promise I'll be back for you. I promise,” _

Another lie.

_ A soft, warm hand in his. The leaves rustling in the breeze. The soft press of lips against his own when his back hit the hard bark of a tree trunk. _

Yuri flitted in and out of his dream. His dream of memories and pain, sorrow and loss.

_ “That's Orion, Yuri,” His father said. Yuri gazed up at the stars with wonder. His father made even the most simple things beautiful. _

When his father passed away, his mother said:

_ He went to a place called hell because your father was not a good person, Yuratchka. _

He  _ was  _ the best person. He was the  _ only _ person. He was the light of Yuri's life. He broke when his father died. Shattered and fell apart.

He never really bothered to glue himself back together again. Josh, though, he was the temporary binding that brought the jagged pieces of Yuri's heart back together.

Until he wasn't. 

Now Yuri was left scrambling to pick up the pieces that had fallen apart again. He did nothing but cut himself and bleed, but he was trying. He was trying so goddamned hard.

Yuri awoke with a start, tasting tears on his lips. Dried tracks of them trailed down his cheeks. It had been a long time since he had dreamed of his father. Of Josh. Of anything, really.

He jolted when his foot touched warmth.

_ Leo _ .

Yuri curled into him and nuzzled against the back of Leo's neck. It was warm and inviting, especially when Leo's sleepy fingers brushed against his hair.

He fell asleep again, this time, without any nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AhhhhhHHHH sometimes I'm just like LOL WELCOME TO MY YURI/LEO FIC  
> But you know... That's not how we do it here. Enjoy this while you can (or don't, idk your life) <3


	8. Chapter 8

Even though Yuri’s father passed away when he was younger, he still remembered every part of him. He remembered how soft his hair felt when Yuri sat atop his shoulders and tangled his fingers in it. He remembered that bright smile, the one that he’d flash every time he saw Yuri.

It hurt less as the years went by, but it still hurt. It was still the reason his heart was jagged and broken. Why Josh was such an essential part of his life. Why when Josh left his heart lost its binding and it fell apart again.

Why it was so hard for him to  _ love _ . To want to feel something for Leo who wore his heart on his sleeve. To want to have the darkest places of his heart light up with joy.

“It was part of God’s plan,” His mother had said. “His cancer came back and this time it won.”

Yuri was only 8.

He wasn’t old enough to stand on his own. He wasn’t old enough to become the man of the house. He wasn’t old enough to look at the stars by himself and pick out the constellations.

He missed his father every day.

Even when his mother told him that his father was horrible. That he wasn’t a good man because he spent his weekends fucking the bartender. The bartender who happened to be a man. His mother had known, and it tore her apart.

Seeing her torn apart only tore Yuri apart. Even after all of the years that passed, he hadn’t told his mother he was gay. It was a secret, one he wasn’t sure he would ever tell her because it would just remind her of his father. It would make her sink back into the depression she had only just pulled herself from.

He loved his mother.

He had loved his father more.

That’s why he had grown to resent her. That’s why he never called her or sent her cards or went home for holidays. Any interaction  was just a reminder that she was still there but his father wasn’t.

 

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────

 

Yuri’s dream gripped his ankle and refused to let go. He floated on it, almost breaching consciousness until it pulled him back under.

All he dreamt about was Otabek. Otabek and his smile, the one he seemed to have only for Yuri. The one where the corner of his mouth would tilt up when his eyes landed on Yuri.

His heart hurt. His head ached. He wanted to wake up. He wanted to get away from it and forget about Otabek and  _ move on _ .

Love didn’t work that way, though. He could cover it up with someone else and pretend it didn’t exist, but in the end, it would still be there. Just under the surface. Always waiting.

Yuri woke slowly, hand reaching out for- something. Otabek, maybe. As if it wasn’t a dream and Otabek had actually been next to him.

He touched a face, eyes snapping open. Leo,  Leo,  _ Leo _ .

He was looking back at Yuri with a smile on his face. His eyes always so warm and dark, pools of chocolate that made Yuri’s heart skip a beat.

“Hi,” Yuri whispered, hand still resting on the side of Leo’s face.

Leo turned and kissed it before his own hand engulfed it. “Hi,” He whispered back.

Yuri shifted and slid over him. Their kiss was slow and lazy, sleepy and warm. His fingers were lost in the softness of his hair. 

With his eyes closed, his mind flickered between two things. Leo, who was there. Leo, who was real and tangible and just beneath the tips of his fingers. Leo, who was gently biting his lip and his jaw and his neck. 

Then Otabek, who was so far out of reach that it made Yuri  _ ache _ . Otabek, who kissed him and told him he was pretty. Otabek, who flipped Yuri’s world upside down and then  _ ran away _ .

Their kiss broke, Leo holding Yuri’s face between his hands. His brow furrowed and his eyes searched. For what, Yuri wasn’t sure. He couldn’t stand the heat of them, turning his face away.

“Are you alright?” Leo asked, thumbs rubbing over Yuri’s skin.

Yuri cleared his throat but nodded, a quick jolt of his head before he was sliding off of Leo. Before his feet hit the ground. Before he could begin to cry or scream at whatever it was that was gnawing at his insides.

“I’m fine,” Yuri said quietly. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and yawned.

“I should get going, anyways,” Leo said, standing behind Yuri. Yuri felt him hesitate like he wanted to hold Yuri but decided not to. He was almost relieved at that. He mentally kicked himself for feeling anything but happy. After the way Leo treated him, he should be nothing but. Yet his heart ached and his mind was a mess.

“Okay,” Yuri replied. He stood there, watching as Leo dressed. As Leo stood a foot away from him uncomfortably like they hadn’t just rubbed their dicks together a few hours earlier. Like Yuri was a stranger and Leo wasn’t sure what to do.

“I’ll see you,” Leo said, nearly leaning in to kiss Yuri. He didn’t, though.

Then he was gone, leaving Yuri standing in the middle of his room. Lost and confused, mind racing a mile a minute.

 

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────

 

“They're just cookies, it's not like you're going to gain 10 pounds from eating one,” Yuri said. He slapped JJ's hand away from the bowl of dough. 

“I don't eat sweets,” Otabek grumbled.

Yet he had allowed Yuri to come and bake cookies in the kitchen of a house full of men. Young men who ate pizza and drank too much. God forbid they ate any sweets, though.

“You are going to eat at least one cookie or I swear to God I will pin you down and force feed you,” Yuri snapped. “I did not come over here to make cookies for you to not eat them, you ass.”

“Aggressive,” Otabek replied.

Otabek startled him with a hand on his shoulder. He leaned in, uncomfortably close. Yuri felt his hot breath fan over his neck as he froze.

“Otabek I'm not sure now is the time for you to come to terms with your Great Homosexual Awakening,” JJ cut in. Otabek jolted and Yuri looked at him curiously.

“For all the shit you give me for having any hickies, that's a massive one you're sporting,” Otabek said lowly.

Yuri flushed, the heat rising on his skin. His hand moved to his throat, knowing exactly where the purple had blossomed. He tugged his shirt up as if it would hide it. He considered wearing a turtleneck before he left the house, but it was spring. It was hot. Too goddamn hot to explain why he was wearing a sweater. He probably would have preferred that over this.

“Shut up,” Yuri grumbled, shoving Otabek away so he could continue to shape little balls of cookie dough.

“Was it Leo?” Otabek asked.

Yuri didn’t look at him. He  _ wouldn’t _ look at him. He focused on the shape of the cookies because he needed them to be perfect. 

“It was Leo,” Otabek said. Then he was leaning against the counter next to Yuri. Yuri still wouldn’t look at him. “I thought you said things weren’t serious?”

Yuri finally looked at him, hoping that the anger he felt bubbling inside of him was showing. “It’s none of your business, Otabek.”

Yuri heard JJ shuffle from the room. It was probably better that way. Especially with the way Yuri was tempted to punch Otabek square in the face.

“I know that, but..”

“But what? I’ve told you before, Otabek. What I do none of your business. You don't get to be jealous. You know why? Because I was so goddamned obsessed with you and you  _ crushed _ me,” Yuri’s voice had gotten louder, and the fact that his fingers were oily and gross would have been comical if not for the topic at hand.

“What?” Otabek asked, taking a step away from Yuri.

“Oh, screw you, don’t play stupid.”

Yuri watched Otabek run his hand down his face.

“You knew,” Yuri began, looking back at the bowl of dough. “You knew I had feelings for you and you shit all over them. So fuck you. You don’t get to make comments about me.”

Otabek didn’t say anything, but Yuri could hear him breathing. He was close enough to reach out and touch, but Yuri wanted to do anything but.

“So I’ve moved on. I’ve found Leo who treats me well and gives me what I deserve.” He almost added  _ and he’s really good in bed _ , but decided now wasn’t the time to make jabs.

“Yuri, I know. I know that and you need that but I  _ hate it _ .”

“Why?”

“Do you think it’s  _ easy _ to realize that your entire existence is basically a lie? That your entire life, you’ve been gay but you spent all that time trying so hard to deny it?”

Yuri looked at him then.  _ Really  _ looked at him. Otabek’s eyes were wide and bright, face flushed with his excitement. Yuri wanted to reach out and touch him but he needed to be mad. He needed to feel something other than hurt.

“All my life I’ve tried so hard to be normal.  _ You’ll get shit for being gay _ , I was always told. I tried being whatever the fuck  _ normal  _ is. I’ve been trying that. Then you came along and shook my entire fucking world and I don’t know how to handle that and I’m sorry.”

Yuri opened his mouth, but he wasn’t really sure what he could say. If there was anything  _ to _ say.

“I have no room to get jealous when you try to move on. You shouldn’t be expected to wait for me to understand myself,” Otabek looked away then.

“I’ve been trying so hard to stop thinking about you,” Yuri said slowly, eyes trained on the side of Otabek’s face. “I can’t. You’re everywhere. It hurts. I just want it to stop.”

Otabek’s eyes dropped to the floor as he pushed himself away from the counter. “You should try, Yuri. Leo is good for you, honest.”

“I want  _ you _ .”

Their eyes met for a moment, Yuri’s heart beating so loudly. His fingers trembled and his eyes burned. 

“I know, Yuri. I’m not ready for that. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. You deserve more than what I have to give you.”

Yuri wiped his fingers off on his apron before he took a step forward. Otabek almost flinched away when the tips of his fingers pressed against his chin. Carefully, Yuri turned his face. 

“If you told me that maybe one day you will be okay, I would wait for you.” Yuri would. Even after all the things he had told himself about not waiting, about  _ not  _ looking back. He would wait until he couldn’t any longer.

As much as Yuri adored Leo, as much as he knew that boy thought Yuri hung the moon and the stars,  everything was _always_ about Otabek. 

Leo deserved better.

Yuri knew that, somewhere within his selfish intentions.

Otabek’s gaze was hot. Every inch of Yuri felt like he was caught in a wildfire. His hair stood on end and his nerves sparked with every passing second. Every second felt like forever before Otabek pulled away.

“I don’t know if I can do that to you, Yuri.”

Yuri felt his heart crack just a little bit more. Like the shattered pieces were shattering again.

He dropped his hand and turned back to the cookie dough. The cookie dough that he had cared so much about only five minutes ago. Now he just wanted to knock it on the floor and scream.

“Do you feel  _ anything _ for me?” Yuri asked, voice cracking. He was thinking about Leo. Poor, sweet, Leo. His adoration for him wasn’t enough, not over the roar of his feelings for Otabek. Nothing could top it, no matter how hard he tried. No matter how hard he  _ begged _ .

“Of course I do.”

Yuri turned, slowly, until his back was pressed against the counter. “Then why is this so hard?”

“Because I think I’m in the midst of a crisis and I’m not sure I want to bring you down with me.”

Yuri stepped closer, almost expecting Otabek to move away. When he didn’t though, Yuri reached out to grab his arm. “You don’t just wake up gay, Otabek. If you’re gay, you’ve  _ been _ gay. You shouldn’t be having a weird existential crisis about something you likely already knew.”

“I spent my entire life trying to avoid it. It’s not exactly easy to just be okay with it.”

Yuri just huffed. He was tired of this conversation. Of Otabek, really.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Once, twice. It wasn’t a text, it was a phone call.

“Leo?”

“Yuri, I wanted to get together and.. Talk… About what happened.”

Yuri’s eyes fixated on Otabek, watching him spin his hat around in his hands. He sighed.

“Okay.”

“I’m outside your building.”

Yuri pinched the bridge of his nose before he hung up.

“I have to go, I’ll be back in like twenty minutes. Try not to burn the house down and I swear to God if JJ eats the cookie dough I’m going to shove my foot up his ass.”

Otabek stared at him, eyebrows raised. He just nodded as Yuri left.

Yuri sprinted across campus, breathless when he found Leo, sitting on a bench just outside his building.

“Leo,” Yuri breathed, stopping in front of him. He wasn’t really sure what to say next, so he just stood there, panting.

“Yuri,” Leo said, carefully, like Yuri would run away if he made a sudden move. It was as if he knew. His shoulders were tense and his hands were clasped together. He made no move to touch Yuri or welcome him into his arms.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” Yuri said quietly. He sat down on the bench next to him, but far enough away that they weren’t touching.

He saw Leo smile, then his hand moved to rest on the side of Yuri’s face.

“I wasn’t really expecting the entire world from you, Yuri,” Leo began. “We had fun, we had some feelings, now it’s weird… Or something. I don’t know, I just know you’re off and I should have known better than to force anything on you.”

Yuri touched his hand, the one pressed against his cheek. “You didn’t. I wanted it. I wanted you, it’s just…”

Leo smiled again, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Yuri. We didn’t come into whatever this is with a whole lot of plans. We can stop if that’s what you want.”

“I adore you, I really do. I just can’t go any further than this when my head is elsewhere.”

“As long as you’re happy, I can be okay with that,” Leo replied. “We can still be friends, just, you know, friends that have made out and touched each other’s dicks.”

Yuri laughed. “I would like that.”

“One more?” Leo asked, eyes dropping to Yuri’s mouth.

Yuri leaned in, heart squeezing in his chest with the touch of their lips.

He wished, for a moment, that Otabek didn’t exist. That he could fall in love with Leo and take on the world. He knew Leo would do anything for him if he asked, and that in itself made his chest hurt.

Leo gave him one last kiss, fingers dropping from Yuri’s face. “Take care, Yuri,” He’d said.

Yuri was left sitting on the bench. With the ghost of Leo’s mouth on his own while his heart wanted nothing more than to be with Otabek.

He touched his lips and tried to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;------------------------; RIP Leo/Yuri fic dreams I'm sorry
> 
> Me, before revising this chapter: too much angst I should angst it down a bit  
> Me, revising this chapter: *adds more angst*  
> oops


	9. Chapter 9

Yuri wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry as he headed back across campus.

He wished he didn't have to end things with Leo, but he knew it would be selfish of him to progress their relationship any further. Leo was a self indulgence for Yuri, someone who made him forget about the mess of feelings he had for Otabek.

Yuri had a lot of feelings about Leo. Particularly about the way Leo made him feel. Because Leo wasn’t Otabek and he wasn’t stuck in the closet or denying his feelings for Yuri. Yuri could have taken the easy way out and chosen him, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

He stood outside the door and counted his breathing. Two in, three out.

As he stepped over the threshold, he heard JJ’s laughter from the kitchen. He closed the door as quietly as he could, tiptoeing down the hallway towards the sound.

“No one cares if you’re gay, Otabek. Honestly, we’ll all still love you the same. Get over it.”

“It’s not really that easy.”

“Sure it is. Why does it matter so much to you?” JJ asked. Yuri heard the unmistakable sound of him clapping Otabek on the back. It was a very dude-bro-like thing to do. Yuri held back a laugh.

“I don’t really know. I guess it just feels like I’m a different person and it’s kind of jarring.”

“Well, it’s obvious you like him. He likes you. Get your head out of your ass and do something about it, bro.”

Yuri heard shuffling and the scraping of chairs. He flattened himself against the wall as if JJ wouldn’t be able to see him when he passed by.

He did, quite obviously. The second he stepped out of the kitchen, his eyes caught on Yuri. Then he grinned. “Speak of the devil.”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping,” Yuri replied, hands held in the air.

“Yeah you were,” JJ began, then he looked back at Otabek somewhere in the kitchen. “Seriously, though, can you two make out already? You’re giving _me_ blue balls.”

Yuri glared at him as he left, laughter trailing behind him.

He hesitantly pushed away from the wall, eyes trained on the floor as he stepped into the kitchen. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to listen. It just kind of happened.”

Otabek just cleared his throat. Yuri looked up slowly. Otabek had his hand on the back of his neck, face pinkened with embarrassment. He looked annoyingly adorable and Yuri wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

“Do you want to go out with me tonight?” Yuri asked, still standing across the kitchen from Otabek. Still keeping his distance even though he wanted so badly to move closer.

“Okay,” Otabek agreed, hands slipping into his pockets. “Okay.”

“Like a date,” Yuri clarified, smile forming on his lips. “Is that alright?”

Yuri noticed the corners of Otabek’s lips twitch, an almost smile. He nodded, eyes sparkling. “Yeah. I think I want to try that.”

Yuri glanced over at the oven, noticing it was turned on and his cookie dough was nowhere in sight. “Did you make those?”

Otabek smiled, and Yuri felt his throat close. God, he was hot.

“Yeah.” Hot, but not a man of many words.

“Thanks. Well, I don’t know if _thanks_ is the right thing to say. I was making them for you guys.”

“I’ll eat one, promise.”

“I guess my job here is done,” Yuri grinned before he turned to leave. “I’ll swing by around eight, okay?”

He heard Otabek hum his approval before he left. He could practically feel Otabek’s eyes on him as he headed down the hallway, but he didn’t turn back.

────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹────────  


“Isn’t that a gay club?” Otabek yelled, over the roar of his motorcycle. Yuri stopped fidgeting with his helmet before he laughed.

“Yeah. I figured maybe it would be nice for you to.. I don’t know. Be around people that are comfortable with their sexuality?”

Yuri couldn’t see his face from where he sat behind him, but he could feel his shoulders stiffen. Maybe he had gone too far, but he remembered that he had never felt comfortable with himself until he started surrounding himself with people who couldn’t care less about his sexuality.

Yuri held on tight when they took off, his arms wrapped tightly around Otabek. He’d never been on a bike before, and the feeling of it whipping his hair around felt _freeing_.

He could almost understand why Otabek loved it so much. It was an adventure, free from the confines of a car or a bus or a train.

The club was packed. Yuri had expected that, seeing as Friday nights were a popular time to get wasted and go dancing.

Shit, Yuri got wasted and went dancing nearly every Friday himself.

Yuri watched Otabek take off his helmet and flick his hair back. He felt the coil in his stomach curling tighter, hot and threatening to spring loose.

“Are you ready?” He asked, grinning at Otabek who was staring wearily at the building. “I promise it’s just like any other club. Except mostly everyone is gay.”

Otabek drew in a breath before he nodded. “Okay.”

Yuri didn’t bother arguing about the stamp he got. Tonight was about Otabek, not getting white girl wasted and dancing like no one was watching. Or like everyone was watching, depending on the mood Yuri was in.

Otabek didn’t drink either, likely because he had to drive a motorcycle and that meant Yuri’s life was in his hands, too. They took to sitting at a table and people watching. Otabek glanced around, taking everything in.

“This feels like any other club I’ve been in,” Otabek said, eyes turning to meet Yuri’s.

“I told you. Being gay isn’t the most _awful_ thing in the world.”

“I guess,” Otabek said meekly, a small smile on his face. The way he looked around curiously had Yuri feeling a little more relaxed. Less on edge about Otabek having a mental breakdown and storming out. His shoulders were still tense and his jaw was clenched, but he was making progress. Or something.

“Want to dance?” Yuri asked, sliding from his chair. He looked down at Otabek expectantly.

“Okay,” Otabek replied.

“It’ll be fun, like last time” Yuri winked, hand held out for Otabek to take. Otabek took it after a brief pause, standing to follow Yuri out into the crowd.

It was hot and the air felt sticky. The music was loud and definitely not Otabek’s, but it didn’t grate Yuri’s ears so it was tolerable. He dragged Otabek along, enjoying the feeling of his big, thick hand clasped in his own.

He stopped suddenly, Otabek nearly running him over as his eyes had been anywhere but watching where he was going.

It wasn’t long before Otabek was more comfortable, breath hot in Yuri’s ear as his fingers dug into his hips. They danced together, close enough for Yuri to feel his body heat between their clothing. His hands trailed over Otabek’s stomach and up his chest as he moved, head tipping back to look up at Otabek.

Otabek’s hair was wild, a lock of it falling damply onto his forehead. His eyes were heavily lidded, lips parted as he stared down at Yuri.

“Are you okay?” Yuri asked. It was a stupid question, he could feel Otabek’s erection every time it bumped into him. He asked anyway. Mostly because he wanted to see Otabek scramble with his words.

Yuri watched him wet his lips. “I’m good.”

Yuri spun around. His hand trailed up Otabek’s bicep, shoulder, then his neck, until it was pressed against the back of his head. He could feel the shorter hairs between his fingers, tickling his nerves with every small movement.

“Still good?” Yuri asked, giving an experimental grind of his hips. The groan that rumbled in Otabek’s chest made him feel confidence he had never felt before. He held the power to force sounds like _that_ out of Otabek.

“M’good,” Otabek replied. His head dropped forward, lips brushing lightly over the shell of Yuri’s ear. Yuri shuddered and moved again, grinding his ass against Otabek’s groin. Even through both of their jeans he could feel it, hot and hard as it rubbed against him.

Yuri turned his head, Otabek’s face mere inches from his own. He could see the hunger flashing in his eyes, but it was mixed with the confusion that Otabek always emanated around Yuri.

Otabek’s hands hadn’t strayed from Yuri’s hips, and that frustrated him. He wanted Otabek to touch him, to feel him beneath his fingertips.

He knew it was a struggle, but he _wanted_ it.

Yuri turned in his arms again, fingertips tracing up the side of Otabek’s neck. They stared at one another with an intensity that made Yuri’s knees feel weak.

Then Yuri kissed him. Just like that. Moved closer and claimed Otabek’s lips before he could react. Before he could pull away or refuse.

It was stiff and hard before Otabek was kissing him back. Softly, gently, his fingers still gripping Yuri’s hips like Yuri was going to get away.

When their kiss broke, Yuri bit his lip. He tried to gauge Otabek’s mood, but Otabek’s eyes were dark and downcast. Watching Yuri’s lips intently.

“Alright?” Yuri asked, his fingers brushing under Otabek’s chin. The scratch of his stubble sparked his nerves.

“Okay,” Otabek replied, quietly.

Yuri tugged him off the dancefloor after a while, when his thighs began to ache and the sweat dripping down his spine began to annoy him. He hadn’t kissed Otabek again, deciding one was more than enough.

He was going to get this boy to look at him one way or another.

Yuri was more than comfortable with his own sexuality. He wanted Otabek to be the same - he knew it would be a long and grueling process, but Yuri wasn’t the type to shy away from intimacy. Especially because he knew Otabek wanted it just as much as he.

He would only stop if Otabek told him to.

The ride home was quiet, save for the roar of the engine. Yuri relished the feeling of the cool air blowing over him, drying the sweat and soothing his nerves.

They stopped in front of his building, Otabek pulling off his helmet.

“Want to come up with me?” He asked, rather boldly.

Otabek pursed his lips and looked away. Then he looked back at Yuri before he climbed off his bike. “Okay.”

 _Man of many words_ , Yuri thought.

Otabek stood just outside his open doorway, Yuri shrugging off his jacket. He turned, slowly, head cocked to the side. “Are you going to stand out there or come in?”

Otabek looked down at the floor, then back at Yuri. “Okay.”

When he closed the door, Yuri grabbed his arm. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do. If you want me to stop, you can tell me. I will stop. If you want to leave, you can leave. I won’t be offended.”

Otabek eyed him for a moment, lips a tight line. He looked rather conflicted, but he nodded. “I don’t want to leave.”

Yuri smiled at that before he tugged him towards the bed. He pushed Otabek down onto it before he backed away.

“I’m going to take off my clothes. Is that okay?”

Otabek’s gaze raked down the length of Yuri’s body. It felt _dirty_ and Yuri loved it. He felt the coil in his stomach loosen, just a little bit. Then Otabek nodded curtly, eyes back on Yuri’s.

Yuri started slowly, pulling his shirt off over his head before he dropped it to the floor. Otabek’s eyes dropped to Yuri’s nipples. He shifted on the bed but didn’t get up. Didn’t tell Yuri to stop.

He toed off his shoes, kicking them off towards the door. “Okay?” He asked. Otabek just nodded.

Yuri carefully unbuttoned his jeans, the rasp of the zipper cutting into the silence. He had to shimmy out of them, as they were tight enough to be a second skin. He felt Otabek’s eyes on him the entire time.

As he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his briefs, he let out the breath he had been holding. Otabek’s eyes were practically boring holes into his crotch. His face was dusted pink and his lip was trapped between his teeth. Yuri felt a surge of self-confidence as he slid his briefs down until they pooled around his ankles.

“How do you feel?” Yuri asked, feeling exposed. Vulnerable. Otabek’s eyes were fixated on his cock, which was half hard given the situation.

Otabek moved. Pulled in a shaky breath through his teeth, then he caught Yuri’s gaze again. “You’re-”

“Naked?”

“Gorgeous,” Otabek breathed.

It was Yuri’s turn to blush, and when Yuri blushed, it overtook the ivory of his skin with a deep red.

“I didn’t expect to feel this way just because you took off your clothes.”

“Do you like it?” Yuri asked, moving closer.

“I think so.”

Yuri stopped in front of him, between his legs. Otabek tipped his head back to look at him.

“Touch me,” Yuri said quietly, fingers curling into Otabek’s hair.

Otabek’s fingers were warm and rough as they slid over Yuri’s stomach. He giggled when they traced over a ticklish spot on his side. Otabek seemed content with this, just paving a path over Yuri’s skin with his fingertips.

Gooseflesh rose in their wake, Yuri trying to fight back the urge to rub against Otabek. He was horny and wanted friction.

Otabek stopped at the base of his cock, fingers whirling over the short hair that Yuri had just trimmed. He touched the velvety skin of his shaft before he wrapped his hand around it. He stroked it few times, experimentally. Yuri saw the muscles in his jaw tighten when Yuri moaned.

“You don’t have to do that,” He said lowly. He wasn’t sure how Otabek was feeling. He hated feeling like he was forcing anything on him that he didn’t want.

But when Otabek looked back up at him, pupils blown wide, he realized he wasn’t. “I want to.”

Yuri pulled away then, Otabek’s hand reaching out for him again. He just smiled, though, before he kneeled in front of him. In front of the bed, between Otabek's knees.

“What are you doing?” Otabek asked.

“I want to do something for you,” Yuri said quietly, scooting forward. “Can I?”

Otabek’s nostrils flared when Yuri’s hands moved to the button of his jeans. He made no attempt to stop him though, even lifting his hips for Yuri to slide them down.

Yuri ran the palm of his hand over the bulge in his boxers before he leaned forward and nuzzled his nose against it. Otabek's breath hitched but he didn’t stop him, even as Yuri began mouthing at it through the cloth.

His eyes flicked up, catching the desire in Otabek’s eyes as he looked back. Yuri tugged down the waistband, Otabek helping by lifting his hips.

Yuri beamed up at him before he ran his hands up the inside of his thighs. The hair tickled his fingers, muscles tightening in response to his touch.

“Lay back on the bed,” Yuri whispered.

Otabek kicked off his shoes before his pants and underwear dropped to the floor. He listened to Yuri, sliding back on the bed until his head lay on the pillow. Yuri drew in a breath before he slid onto the bed, crawling over to Otabek, akin to a tiger stalking its prey.

Otabek’s eyes were wide, face flushed. Yuri had never seen him more beautiful.

“I want to suck your cock,” Yuri said. He eyed the piercing at the tip, licking his lips. “Will you let me?”

Otabek’s knuckles were white, fingers gripping the sheets on either side of him. “Yes.”

Yuri grabbed the base of his cock before trailing his tongue up the shaft. Otabek gritted his teeth. Then he swallowed it in one go, all the way to the base. He watched Otabek as he pulled it back out of his mouth. He flicked his tongue over the tip, once, twice, enjoying how Otabek’s lips parted.

“Fuck, Yura.”

 _Mmmm_ was the only noise Yuri made as he sunk down on his cock again. He had never known anyone’s cock could taste as good as Otabek’s. He wanted more of it, his eyes fluttering shut as he began to bob his head. The salty, bitter taste of his precum made Yuri moan. The vibration forced a growl from Otabek. It spurred Yuri on.

He felt the delicious tug of fingers in his hair, Otabek gripping the back of his head as he fucked up into Yuri’s mouth. The growls and groans tumbling from his lips had Yuri pumping his own cock with his hand. His other hand had moved to cup Otabek's balls, rolling them gently between his fingers.

He loved the feeling of Otabek using his mouth. Of Otabek’s cock sliding over his tongue as he growled his name. _He_ had made Otabek feel like this.  _He_ was pulling Otabek apart. 

He could tell Otabek was close when his thrusts began to stutter. When his groans became tiny gasps of breath. His fingers tightened in Yuri’s hair before he growled out a warning. Yuri didn’t listen though, sucking Otabek’s cock like it was his favorite candy.

Otabek came down his throat with a sharp cry, hips still moving as he tried to ride his orgasm for as long as he could. Yuri gagged and his eyes watered, but he came soon after, spilling over his fingers and onto the comforter beneath him.

He popped Otabek’s cock from his mouth, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

“Christ, Yura,” Otabek mumbled, chest heaving. Yuri smiled at him. More of a smirk, really, before he crawled over him and captured his lips.

He expected Otabek to shy away from the taste of his cum in Yuri’s mouth, but Otabek chased after it with his tongue. Yuri traced over the side of his face, the sharp angle of his jaw, then down his neck. He could feel Otabek’s pulse pattering against his fingers when he stopped.

“Did you like that?” Yuri whispered when their lips pulled apart.

Otabek’s hands had slid down Yuri’s back, hesitating just above the curve of his ass. “I loved it. You’re so good, Yura.”

Yuri keened at the praise, a smile spreading on his face. He pressed a kiss to Otabek’s nose before he slid off of him, feet on the floor. “I thought it would be harder to get you into my bed, I’m going to be honest.”

Otabek huffed behind him.

“You know, considering you’re _really_ in denial.”

“I am not.”

“ _I’m having a crisis Yuri,_ ” Yuri mocked, turning to look at Otabek.

His hair was messier than he had ever seen, the sheen of sweat on his forehead somehow a turn on. The pink, bitten swell of his lips made Yuri’s dick twitch. Again.

“JJ talked to me.”

“I heard.”

“He reminded me of all the times we did things together and I had never hesitated. He reminded me that the reason I’m the way I am is because of my parents.”

“Oh?” Yuri asked, eyebrow quirked. He’d stood to pull his briefs back on. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to pull the tangles free.

“My parents are religious. They always expect me to bring home a girlfriend. It’s kind of taboo to be gay, you know.”

Yuri tilted his head to the side. He knew what that felt like. He had felt that since the moment he came to terms with his liking men. It wasn’t an easy thing to get over.

“I understand that,” Yuri started. Then, “I thought you were having an internal crisis, though.”

“I was- I am. It’s not easy.”

“I just sucked your dick. I don’t know if you can say you aren’t coming to terms with it.”

Otabek snorted. “You’re the one who got me all worked up halfway through the night.”

Then Otabek was sliding off the bed, picking up his clothing from the floor. Yuri watched him pull it on, along with his shoes.

“Are you leaving?” Yuri asked, a bit disappointed. Though his bed was small and it wasn’t like they could both fit in it, exactly.

“I need to process… This. I can’t say I’ve ever gotten a blowjob from a man before.”

“What is there to process? You liked it. I liked it. Let’s do it again sometime.”

“Yura,” Otabek sighed. “Baby steps.”

“I don’t know if a giant leap into the dark chasm of gay sex is baby steps, but I’ll just pretend for you,” Yuri shot back. He tried not to smile, but it fought to appear.

“You’re a pain in my ass.”

“You can be a pain in _my_ ass any time,” Yuri winked.

Otabek just huffed again, stepping towards the door. He looked back at Yuri. “Thank you.”

“For sucking your dick?”

“For understanding me, I guess. For trying to help me find comfort. I don’t know.”

Yuri smiled. “You’re welcome, I think.”

JJ (1:34): Did you guys fuck?

JJ (1:34): Beks looks like he just got fucked

JJ (1:36): Omg my ship is sailing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @ JJ: SAME BRO


	10. Chapter 10

That was the last Yuri heard from Otabek for over a week. Not for lack of trying though, as Yuri called him nearly every day, which was definitely not in-character. Yuri  _ hated _ talking on the phone, and he berated anyone who tried. He was one of those people who believed that if you had anything to say, you could text him. Unless it was important, but beyond that, Yuri would never answer the phone.

Otabek was not answering his calls though. He wasn’t even immediately sending him to voicemail. Yuri would sit through a solid 30 seconds of shrill ringing until he hit Otabek’s voicemail. It was growing old, pretending that it was fine for Otabek to ignore him after shoving his dick down Yuri’s throat.

Yuri spent his week thinking about Otabek and wondering how he was going to pass his classes without Yuri’s tutoring. It had been a struggle trying to get his grades to stay at relatively higher average than usual, but with Yuri’s help, it had happened. It was  _ mostly _ because of Yuri that he had even been able to pass his midterms to begin with.

Beyond that, though, Yuri missed him. Not just because they had slept together and Yuri wanted to do it again, but because Otabek was always a good friend. He was funny and charming and definitely not the type of guy that Yuri usually fell in love with. Yet there he was, moping and pining over someone who ignored his phone calls.

Yuri knew it was as easy as walking across campus and forcing his way back into Otabek’s life, but he wasn’t certain if he should do that. Yuri’s pride got the best of him for the week until he checked his phone for the thousandth time, only to be disappointed by the lack of notifications from Otabek.

“Why don’t you just go see him?” Mila asked, draped across Yuri’s bed with her phone over her face. She’d gotten into  _ Tinder _ recently, and Yuri was tired of listening to her rambling about the people she went on dates with. She’d tried to badger him into downloading it, but then he reminded her that he was very gay and Tinder was mostly straight people wanting to get dicked down on a Saturday evening and he had already tried Grindr. That had ended well, of course.

“And what?” Yuri asked, tilting his head back. He found himself staring at the ceiling like he often did, pictures in the weird formations a thing that helped clear his mind. “Say, ‘hey Otabek, I really liked your cock in my mouth. Let’s do that again!’?”

“I mean,” Mila grinned, dropping her phone. Her face turned towards Yuri, eyes twinkling. “You have feelings for him, why don’t you just, I don’t know,  _ say that _ .”

“Last time I did that, he basically told me he didn’t want to lead me on.”

“Yeah and then he fucked your face, I don’t know if that really constitutes as not leading you on.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Well, if you won’t talk to him, I’ll go over there and do it myself.”

Yuri rolled his eyes, and that was how, on a Thursday evening, he was standing outside of the fraternity. It was dark and muggy, and he spent a few minutes staring at the whorls in the wood of the door. He hesitated to knock, afraid of who would answer, if anyone.

Maybe Otabek would be the only person there, and he wouldn’t even answer to begin with. Maybe he would just continue to ignore Yuri and pretend that nothing had ever happened because  _ no homo _ .

After a lot of hesitation and self criticism, he rang the doorbell.

“Yuri,” JJ said when he opened the door. The grin on his face would have been contagious on any other day. At the moment, though, Yuri felt like doing literally anything but smiling.

“Hi, JJ.”

“Here for Beks?”

Yuri stuffed his hand back into his pocket. “Yeah.”

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” JJ paused, right side of his mouth tilting into a smile before he continued. “You guys totally fucked and now it’s awkward.”

“No,” Yuri said, stamping the toe of his shoe into the ground, eyes fixated on it. “We- I- I don’t know. I did something and now Otabek is avoiding me.”

JJ ushered him into the house. “You gave him a blowjob and now he’s having a mental breakdown about it because he enjoyed it.”

Yuri tilted his head to the side, eyeing JJ with curiosity. “Do you guys seriously tell each other  _ everything _ ?”

“Obviously.”

JJ didn’t say another word after that, pointing up the stairs. Yuri stood awkwardly at the bottom of them for a moment before he pushed forward, up the steps to the landing. Otabek’s door was closed, which was rather unusual. It was almost always open, at least when Yuri came by to see him. 

Yuri stopped just outside it and cleared his throat. He raised a hand to knock, but his footsteps had been heard.

“Go away,” Otabek said, before Yuri could even say a word.

“Beka, you can’t avoid me forever,” Yuri replied, pressing his forehead against the wood. He let out a breath, jiggling the doorknob. 

He heard some shuffling. The  _ thunk _ of Otabek’s feet hitting the ground. Then the door unlocked. It didn’t open, but Yuri took that as an invitation. The minute he stepped inside, his nose crinkled. Otabek was always a clean person, but the mess of clothing strewn over the floor and the collection of cups on his desk made Yuri woozy. He was definitely having more than a casual crisis.

“What?” Otabek asked, standing in the middle of the room. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his basketball shorts, and his hair was a mess. His eyes were dark rimmed and his glasses were half slid down the bridge of his nose. Yuri realized he'd never seen Otabek in glasses, and he might have made a comment about how hot he looked if he wasn't absolutely wrecked. He looked as though he hadn’t shaved in the week and a half since he vanished from Yuri’s life, and that was probably a correct assumption.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Otabek shrugged. Yuri rolled his eyes.

“Is it because you liked it and now you’re freaking out?”

Otabek looked away, but still said nothing.

“Christ, Otabek, work with me here.”

“How do you do it?” Otabek asked suddenly, eyes stuck on the wall. 

“Do what?”

Otabek waved his hands around, looking at Yuri for the first time. The circles under his eyes were a lot more prominent. “I don’t know. Be gay.”

“It’s not like I’m just  _ gay _ , Otabek. I’m a person. I just understand that I really like dick.”

“Yeah, and you’re confident and comfortable and I don’t understand it.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “I’m very good at pretending to be both of those things.”

“Yura.”

“Okay, look,” Yuri started, stepping towards Otabek. Otabek just took a step back. Yuri sighed. “I’ve been gay since I was born. It’s not like I woke up one day and decided that I wanted to have sex with a man. Ever since I was younger I’ve noticed that I had eyes for men and not women. I knew it wasn’t  _ normal _  to other people and I still know there’s problems with being gay. It’s just something you have to learn to be okay with. The whole  _ being fine with being gay, but knowing other people might not be. _ ”

“I don’t know if I can come to terms with it.”

“I mean, you can pretend to be straight until you die if that’s what you want. I can’t really change your mind, Otabek,” Yuri replied, taking another step closer. He could feel heat emanating from Otabek, close enough to touch. He wanted to fall into his arms, to be held and touched again. He didn’t though, keeping his distance. He wanted Otabek to be the one to initiate, if that was what he wanted.

“I don’t  _ want _ to pretend,” Otabek said gruffly. “I just don’t know if I can handle.. That. I don’t know how being gay interlaces with everything else that identifies me.”

“Do you think because you’re gay you have to stop liking sports? Start doing your makeup and wearing frilly shirts?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s basically just another part of you. You’re you, and that’s not going to change just because you prefer dicks.”

Otabek looked down at him then, eyes as dark as the night Yuri dropped to his knees for him. Yuri wanted so badly to stand on his toes and kiss him, to wipe away all the pain and confusion that burrowed so deeply inside of him. He knew that would likely only cause more problems than it solved, so he took a step back before his subconscious took over and made the decision for him.

“I- I don’t really know what to say, Yura,” Otabek finally tugged a hand from his pocket, carding his fingers through his hair. Yuri watched him quietly, how every strand of his hair swept back into place with a simple run of his fingers through them. He wished he could touch it, feel the dark locks between his fingers.

“Say you want to try.”

Otabek frowned, just a simple downturn of the corners of his lips. He looked away too, eyes fixating on empty hallway behind Yuri. He gritted his teeth, and Yuri saw the muscles in his jaw twitch.

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

Yuri flinched, almost certain that Otabek was going to say the opposite. That he was into Yuri just as much as Yuri was into him. That he wanted to try and make it work, even if that meant trudging through his feelings and the entire struggle of realizing he was into guys. Yuri would have helped him-Yuri  _ wanted _ to help him.

“Please, Beka,” Yuri whispered, hand reaching out for Otabek. When he didn’t take it, Yuri huffed. “I just- I like you, and I know you like me-”

“Do I?” Otabek asked, eyes darting back to meet Yuri’s. He furrowed his brows and shrugged his shoulders. “Or did I just like the thought of trying something new?”

Yuri’s breath hitched in his chest. “That’s fucked, Otabek.”

Otabek lowered his gaze, lips pursed. Yuri felt his heart clench in his chest, but he knew he couldn't say anything more to loosen the tension. Otabek wasn't ready, and Yuri wasn't going to be the one to help him. As much as he wanted to, Yuri didn't have it in him to pine over someone who refused to acknowledge their own feelings.

“Well, I guess that's it then. Thanks for sticking your dick in my mouth and then regretting it.”

Otabek's jaw muscle twitched, but he didn't respond. Yuri turned and left without a glance over his shoulder. JJ was at the bottom of the staircase, but his smile dropped the moment he saw Yuri.

“Ship sank, JJ, and no, I don't want to talk about it.” Yuri almost laughed at his reference, but he was crestfallen and his heart ached.

It hurt to know that Otabek saw him as  _something new_ even if Yuri knew it wasn't true. Maybe it was and every hint of Otabek's feelings had only been an adventure for him.

“He'll come around.” JJ sounded certain of that, but Yuri just laughed.

“I'm not going to hold my breath.”

And he left, making it halfway across campus before he began to think of Leo again. Soft, sweet Leo and his readily available heart. It would be a lot easier than trying to conquer Otabek.

Yuri decided against it. Even in the worst of times, he wasn't capable of dragging someone else down with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HI I'M ALIVE I'M SORRY Y'ALL.
> 
> I've been recently dragged into another fandom and got severely distracted but I'm not done w/ Otayuri I swear!! Thank u love u guys~

**Author's Note:**

> A special thank you to [@punktsuki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkTsuki/pseuds/PunkTsuki) for feeding me ideas. You're the best thank<3
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr](http://www.lecheesie.tumblr.com) again!!! (It's a mess but if you ever want to contact me I'm there!!)


End file.
